tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7177422745977498082024-03-12T19:15:20.053-07:00Cookies & ChaosAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-80306293869405614442014-06-23T16:04:00.002-07:002015-04-24T05:32:42.014-07:00My Blog has moved!Hey all my followers out there. I have moved my blog to a more professional-looking, user-friendly site. You can now follow me at <a href="http://jennbuell.com/">jennbuell.com</a>. Hopefully you'll make the leap and keep following my journey with me.<br />
<br />
Thanks for being here at the start of my blogging career. Here's to many more years of writing to come!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-66127358788744627732014-06-20T11:46:00.000-07:002014-06-20T11:46:24.984-07:00It Takes a Village to Raise a Jenn<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Apparently it takes a village to
raise a Jenn</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">,
was the random thought to cross my mind yesterday with a chuckle. Don’t you
love it when you amuse yourself and there’s no one around to see how funny you
are? Am I the only one that happens to? No, I’m positive my sister, Alisha,
cracks herself up on a regular basis.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But
after I stopped laughing at my own version of the famous quote, I realized the
truth peeking out from inside my play on words.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Yesterday
the thought was inspired by my preparation for the fantastic She Speaks
Conference coming in just a month. I’d had my first pre-conference training to
help me make sure I had all my ducks in a row to present my book ideas to
publishers. I came away from it invigorated, encouraged, and looking at a
boat-load of homework to make sure I knocked their socks off. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">The
amazing presenter, author Glynnis Whitwer, was so calm. Her job was to tell us
what was included in a one-sheet—a single sheet of paper created to grab the
attention of a publisher or agent with who you are and what your book is about.
She went above and beyond that simple description with encouraging tips about
networking and what NOT to do. <em>Oh please save us from ourselves,</em> I thought. It was such a
worthwhile use of my time, energy, and the small fee. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">One item
on my to-do list was to find a good, professional-looking picture of myself to
use on my business cards and my one-sheet. Ok. I’ve got a bunch of pictures. I
found what I thought was the best and was soundly shot down by my sisters. Too
dark. Not professional enough. Got anything else? Gotta love how direct sisters
can be with you.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-95SEcq-x03w/U6R_JM5EJNI/AAAAAAAAALs/MymfzM5nZ1Y/s1600/head+shot+2b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-95SEcq-x03w/U6R_JM5EJNI/AAAAAAAAALs/MymfzM5nZ1Y/s1600/head+shot+2b.jpg" height="200" width="142" /></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">So off I
went to Facebook to see if any of my amateur or professional photographer
friends had time. Kendrea stepped forward with a generous offer for a location
shoot at an amazing price. Her professional talent has long made me smile. She’s
one of the fantastic women I met in my many years in MOPS. My friend Tanya agreed
to help me create a graphically fantastic one-sheet. Two photographer
professionals offering to help out. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Then
there was my hair. I have it perfectly planned out exactly how long before She
Speaks to get my stylist Shayla to give me a killer color and style so that it looks
amazing. This was not now. Now I have in-between hair. Thankfully Shayla could
trim my bangs today. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Now what
to wear? My friend Jaime has offered to take me shopping before the conference
to help me. Oh do I need help. I’m, shall we say, “fashion challenged.” I don’t
know how to layer or accessorize well and don’t get me started on what I think
looks flattering vs. reality. But I am aware of my limitations. I know I need
the help. However we hadn’t gone shopping yet.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qWgKzEej29Y/U6R_JJQKpyI/AAAAAAAAAL4/U1KYfwsF-SQ/s1600/head+shot+3b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qWgKzEej29Y/U6R_JJQKpyI/AAAAAAAAAL4/U1KYfwsF-SQ/s1600/head+shot+3b.jpg" height="200" width="123" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">So I
started sending Jaime and our friend Jenny (who was with her at the pool) pics
of myself in what I had to work with. The joys of smart phones. Then I included
Alisha. Between them and the responses from my boys, we found something we
could work with. Kendrea even chimed in with a few more suggestions.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I met
Kendrea on the edge of town to head to a beautiful location in the Hills. She
posed me in ways a yoga master would have been proud of to get just the right
angles. I think I may be able to call that an extra work out this week. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But as I
look back at this day, I realized that yet again, my vast circle of friends had
come to my aid to help me when I needed it. It has taken a village to raise a
Jenn—to raise me out of grief and help me smile. To raise me out of fear and
care for my needs. To raise me out of feeling alone and make me feel loved and
supported and prayed for and lifted up.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-J03t3WP2_uI/U6R_JZOah6I/AAAAAAAAALw/lOaAvUmx6ZU/s1600/head+shot+4b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-J03t3WP2_uI/U6R_JZOah6I/AAAAAAAAALw/lOaAvUmx6ZU/s1600/head+shot+4b.jpg" height="200" width="140" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">So
thanks to my “village people.” You are many and you are diverse. You come from
a variety of denominations and churches. You come from my past and my present.
You range in age from young to well, let’s just stop right there. You are the
village that God is using to help me continue and thrive in the new journey He’s
set before me. You are His people in action helping this widow turn mourning
into dancing. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Yesterday
it took a village to raise a Jenn and I’m unbelievably thankful for that.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-59860140885034252752014-06-15T22:01:00.002-07:002014-06-15T22:01:26.963-07:00Keep Calm and Carry On<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I survived Father’s Day
2014. Think I should get that printed on a t-shirt or something? Nah. I’d need
too many t-shirts to cover all the holidays and hard days I’ve survived this
year. <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I knew from the very
start that this first year would be the hardest. This year is full of firsts
that amplify his absence. This is year is full of firsts that make me sad or
miss him or angry that he up and shuffled off this mortal coil (Shakespearean
for “died”), leaving me to figure out these things on my own. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There have been birthdays
and holidays on top of milestones that come as children grow up. Those are the
hardest sometimes. They are tiny victories of childhood that he’s missing. That’s
the thought that struck me when the first one came up. It was Jarod’s first
high school play and all I could think was, “Kraig’s missing this.” It repeated
when Lucy lost a tooth or Kati ran in track.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CkJVKx_3sRA/U554PorWH2I/AAAAAAAAALQ/AVB_t6iQybQ/s1600/carry+on.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CkJVKx_3sRA/U554PorWH2I/AAAAAAAAALQ/AVB_t6iQybQ/s1600/carry+on.jpg" height="200" width="133" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Right now the meme for “Keep
Calm and Carry On” is all over Pinterest and the internet to the point people
are sick of it. It will be so dated in about five minutes from now. It has
become something people have altered to fit their fandoms or their hobbies or
their warped senses of humor. “Keep Calm and trust Daryl Dixon” or “Keep Calm
and Call Batman” and so on, and so forth, all line up to put a personal twist
on the original. I’ve loved seeing the creative takes on it. But as I’ve walked
through this year of firsts, I must say I find something steady in the
original.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I looked up the origins
of it online tonight which made me love it more. If I can believe sources on
the internet it was a slogan created for the Brits in WW2. Only they saved it
for extreme emergency. This was the poster to pull out when things looked bleak
and so <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">it was never used</i></b>. These posters were found in storage and
instead of tossing them, someone thought they’d be cool to circulate. And an
internet sensation was born. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Seriously? Bombs
falling on London, children evacuated from their families to the countryside, and
air raids weren’t enough for Brits to think it was bleak?! We may grossly underestimate
the toughness of the English, I think. Perhaps it is the British in my lineage
that contributes a bit to my being able to keep calm and carry on. My love of
tea would seem to back that up a bit. And then there’s my love of Dr. Who,
Sherlock, Downton Abby, and other British TV. Hmmm… Perhaps I’m more Brit than
I realized.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So today I kept calm
and carried on. I limited my Facebook more than normal and didn’t talk to
anyone on the phone. I focused on getting the kids out of the house into the
sunshine. The recent rain limited our hiking choices so we went to the Arts and
Crafts festival I usually sell my wares at, this time as customers and
spectators. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RgQsFEHL3cY/U554UiAFX2I/AAAAAAAAALY/BLachZK-94w/s1600/SAM_0235.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RgQsFEHL3cY/U554UiAFX2I/AAAAAAAAALY/BLachZK-94w/s1600/SAM_0235.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The kids had fun and
each left with something. Jarod purchased a concrete lawn gnome that eerily
resembled one he’d drawn for his movies. Lucy spent her money on a cheetah
purse. Ryan admired a bud vase a potter had made and was rewarded when she gave
it to him. She’d dropped it and the chip meant she couldn’t sell it. He was
thrilled. Kati found an upcycled bohemian blouse for only $8 and she does need
clothes so I caved.</span> <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">On the way home we went
to Armadillos Ice Cream, a family favorite. They were serving Kraig’s favorite
flavor of the day—Strawberry Butter. I seized the moment in the van when they
all had ice cream and couldn’t escape to ask that each one share a fun memory
of dad. Three of the four could think of something. We laughed. I tried to ask
more but was asked to change the subject. I did. I let them lead on many of
these conversations. I’m far from perfect in how I bring up his absence but I
don’t want them to think we shouldn’t talk about him, remember him, or laugh
about his stories.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So for today, I managed
to keep calm and carry on. For today I survived. For today I made it not so bad
for my kids. Ryan even told me as he went to bed, “Except for missing Dad, this
was a really nice Father’s Day, Mom.” <o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I’ll count that as a
win.</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-25032803581667911252014-06-14T09:46:00.002-07:002014-06-14T16:21:31.095-07:00Kids and Grief<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It’s mid-June already. June is half gone and still the
journey of grief has not ended. If you would have told me when he died that I’d
still have days when grief sapped my energy over 9 months later, I would have
thought you didn’t know me. You would be underestimating the fact that am not a
curl-up-and-stop-living kinda gal.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But then again, I’d never walked this kind of grief. And I’d
never been responsible to help four fragile souls walk it too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My kids are so unique. They have been since my pregnancies
with each. Each one is a unique person created by a loving God to do amazing
things. My favorite part of motherhood is watching who they are growing to be
each day. Each one has their own personalities and experiences and hobbies. And
so it makes sense that each one also has their own unique means of dealing with
grief.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My heart has ached for them since that sad night when
tragedy forever altered their universes and I had to tell them Daddy was gone.
This was not something I could shield them from or make go away. This was not
something I could fix. This is life and this is the journey God entrusted to
them, as painful as is it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As I’ve walked the past nine months as a widow, I have had
to deal with my own waves of grief and struggles to deal in the day-to-day with
the loss of my husband, my partner, my friend. I’ve also had to deal with their
grief. I have had to become head of the home, spiritual leader, and grief
counselor all rolled up inside this one exhausted mama.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The week he died little things that he liked could reduce me
to tears. Seriously I burst into tears when someone held up a bottle of Famous
Dave’s BBQ sauce to ask if the kids wanted it with dinner and all I could say
was this was his favorite. Sobs poured out and I remember collapsing against
Chelsea’s shoulder feeling lost, helpless, sad, and a touch embarrassed that
BBQ sauce caused this reaction.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Now I can make the bed and smile remembering how he loved the
smell of the blankets fresh off drying on the line. Now I can laugh with Lucy
about a day when Daddy swung on a swing next to her. Now I can appreciate the
irony that the exhaustion of dealing with all this has forced me to give in to
naps. Kraig used to say I needed to appreciate naps more. I rarely can shut my
mind down to nap. Kraig could fall asleep at the drop of a hat.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">For the most part now, the things that sap my energy and
reduce me to watching House Hunters International when I should be cleaning are
when grief sneaks up on my kids. When grief sucker punches my son and he
confesses to me something that has bothered him since the funeral because he didn’t
understand it. When one of my daughters still doesn’t want to talk about it
much and I wonder how long I wait between asking how she’s doing. When my tiniest
princess comes upstairs at bedtime and tells me she misses Daddy’s snuggles,
again. When my son with autism confesses to me his fear that it’s his fault
that dad died because he prayed for God to take Dad’s pain away and I told him
there’s no pain in heaven.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">That last one stole my breath and made me reach deep for a Biblically-sound answer. Five years of Bible college, don’t fail me now. But more
important than any theology class I took is the journey God has allowed me to
walk with Him and the time I’ve spent praying that I would not screw this up
with my kids. These things have shored up my foundation and reminded me of
the security of my faith.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I took time to explain to Ryan that, no, it wasn’t his
fault. God is not like a mean genie waiting to twist our words. I explained
that God sees all of the world and time like a big picture that we can’t see
because we are tiny parts of the picture. God knows what is best and loves us.
I trust He had a reason for letting Daddy go to heaven and He will continue to
take care of us. Ryan smiled through his tears and told me he believes me. He
even told me I could put it in my blog because he had read one of my blogs and
it helped him understand how I feel missing Dad. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">These things make me lose sleep. These things hit me in the
gut. These things make me understand why someone would enjoy a glass of wine to
cope. I can’t stand the taste so I settle for popcorn. But most importantly,
these things drive me to pray. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">God knew the kind of journey this would set my kids on. He
knew the wounds that would show up on their hearts after losing a Daddy who
loved them. He knew how this will affect their lives and He still promises He
has plans for them—plans to prosper and not harm them, plans to give them hope
and a good future. He has promised He will use even this for their good. I
trust that with every fiber of my being.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So I continue to work on a more disciplined devotional time
in the morning over cups of tea. I will allow myself the occasional House
Hunters marathon to recover from the whirlwind of dealing with four unique people
I’m guiding through grief. I will allow myself the expense of some Smart Fit
Popcorn from Sam’s club the next time I go. I will allow myself a nap every now
and again because these things help me recharge for the next time one of them
needs to be sad and ask questions from wounded hearts.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And I will give thanks that for the most part, life is
moving on in their worlds. Jarod is making his clay figures for his big summer
movie. Ryan is trying to find books to enjoy so he can keep his
Landscaping class at high school next fall instead of additional reading. Kati
is excitedly getting ready for Rainbow Bible Ranch for insane amounts of horse
fun. Lucy is trying her best to read to me so she moves forward in her reading
level—her idea, bless her. They laugh. We live life. We fall into the new rhythm of normal.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I will keep moving forward because I know God goes with me.
And if He is with me, as hard as this is, I have nothing to fear.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-13052580573537925952014-06-10T07:28:00.000-07:002014-06-10T08:01:24.886-07:00Sisters<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This morning daylight woke me far before I had wanted it to.
I think my next house will need better room-darkening window treatments for
early summer hours. I had wanted to sleep in. As I lay there in bed, I was
trying to get a handle on my feelings, my mood for the start of this day. It
was a surprisingly blank slate.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The decision to do something fun with the kids today settled
in my mind. I wasn’t feeling sad or happy and I didn’t want to swing towards
the former. I got up and began to make tea and get ready to read my Beth Moore
devotional when my sister called.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Alisha lives in Florida, as does my other sister, Bethany. Both
of them aren’t really phone people, which is a shame. My conversations with
them are delightful. I crave conversation over text. They do make an effort
sometimes in their busy schedules to chat with me while they sew for their thriving
Etsy business, Mahalo, or care for their families. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><i></i><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vNRrUCNDXX4/U5cUAr7jf1I/AAAAAAAAAK4/H_Kp91tG6yE/s1600/crop+sister+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vNRrUCNDXX4/U5cUAr7jf1I/AAAAAAAAAK4/H_Kp91tG6yE/s1600/crop+sister+pic.jpg" height="214" width="320" /></i></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>Bethany, me, Alisha - August 2008, Badlands Nt'l Park</i></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<i></i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We haven’t always been close. Our friendship has evolved
through the joys and trials of sharing our lives as married women and moms. Our
deepest connections were made through the incredible journey they took with me
when my youngest daughter, Lucy, had open-heart surgery at just five days old.
My sisters are amazing in a crisis. They are calming and faith-filled. They are
irreverent and full of laughter. I came to fully appreciate the incredible
women they are during Lucy’s amazing journey.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Last night I got to chat with Bethany. We shared some laughs
and talked about her bustling family of seven. Soon our talk grew serious as
she shared with me her heart for her new job as children’s minister at her
church. She’s done this job before. She has a passion to see children
understand deep spiritual truths in fun and interactive ways. She has a gift
for teaching and she was sharing with me some of the challenges she faces at
this new church. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was thrilled to be
able to cheer her on. She can do this. God has gifted her to do this! She will
be amazing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today Alisha helped fill the blank slate of my emotional day
with stories. Oh she tells good stories. She always has a spin on some errand or project she’s been doing that makes
me laugh. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Alisha sometimes reminds me of a woman in the wrong decade.
She’s part Audrey Hepburn and part Rosie the Riveter. You would not be
surprised to find her </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">in a long skirt </span>riding a vintage bike with a basket
filled with flowers and French bread. But you also would not be surprised to find
her reroofing her house or retiling a bathroom. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today, when I needed a course set for my day, she was a good
navigator. We laughed about family inside jokes. I listened to her latest
excursion to Home Depot where her winning smile and cute figure somehow seem to
get her lots of help. These poor male employees have no idea she does 90% of
the Home Depot shopping for her family. She’s not helpless. She shared with me
the amazing recent encounter she and Bethany had paddle boarding when a real,
honest-to-goodness manatee swam right up to them and surfaced! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">In the background I could hear her ever-growing kids
bustling about, getting ready to start a big project. She has one at home from
her first year in college and this fall will have two in high-school. My
nephew, Joshua, sent Aunt Jenn-jenn a hug across the phone lines. His voice is
no longer that of a little boy. Her daughter Anna was getting ready for work. Her
youngest, Amanda, was prepping materials bought on that Home Depot trip for a
secret project she can’t wait to reveal on Facebook herself. I’ll not tell. But
I can’t wait to see the pictures when she’s done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I love the women my sisters are—strong and fun
and serving Jesus in the day-to-day of their lives. I cherish our conversations
and our visits. And I’m thankful that today, God sent me a delightful conversation
with Alisha, unhurried and filled with laughter. Now to enjoy some banana bread
my girls made for the first time all by themselves and continue with this
delightful day.</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-62460403881935964302014-06-04T14:26:00.000-07:002014-06-04T14:26:19.924-07:00Job & I<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Oh my goodness. You must feel like Job.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This sentence was uttered by a nice woman in the boot camp
class I was trying out. We’d talked a few times before but today’s class had
found us next to each other as we made the circuit. Soon talk turned to kids.
Aren’t they the great conversation starter? I was upbeat talking about my full
nest and my little blessings. Her’s were older. There came a point when something
came up and <b><i>it</i></b> needed to be said—my husband had died in September. I was
managing all of this thanks to amazing friends.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She was shocked. She, of course, asked what happened. Heart
attack, very sudden, but God is taking care of us, came my reply. Then she
uttered the comment with a shake of her head, “Oh my goodness. You must feel like
Job.” Before I could reply the instructor was talking and we moved on. I had to
duck out of class early to get home to the kids and errands. I never got to
answer her statement, but as I drove, her words echoed in my mind.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Job, huh? This Bible hero means a lot of things to many
people—suffering, questioning God, poor friends and advisers, God’s absence or
presence in our trials, and so on. All of these things are included in this
story. But one of my favorite Bible verses comes from Job 13:15a: “Though He
slay me, yet will I trust in Him….”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Oh that I could be compared to Job! Oh that my faith would
be so rock-solid in the God worthy of my trust. Through the pain and the trials,
oh that I could cling confidently to the truth that no matter what happens, He
is still trustworthy! </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A friend once told me she wrestled with this verse. God will
not slay us so Job seems to be off the mark here, she thought. But I see it as
Job popping a gasket, losing his temper, and finally blowing up at the nay-sayers
in his life who do not see where his faith was anchored. I see it as him
telling them that no matter what circumstances appear to be, he will stand firm
in his faith.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Oh that I would be like Job! Oh that no matter how much this
journey has hurt or how long it seems to be, oh that I would keep coming back
to the truth that I trust Jesus! I trust the God who sees a big picture that I
cannot see. I trust Him for my provision. I trust Him for my children’s wounded
hearts. I trust Him when bad news arrives in the mailbox. I trust Him for
wisdom in the next steps even when fear makes me take my eyes off that truth. I
can always come back to the truth that He is trustworthy. He is faithful. He is
good.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Job even did what some cannot grasp is OK – he questioned God.
When he finally had more than he felt he could take, he pitched a fit and
railed against the unfairness of it all. His shouts at the heavens reached God
and God answered. The reply makes me laugh. God put Job right in his place. “Who
is this who darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself
like a man; I will question you and you shall answer me.” Job 38:2-3 </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">God goes on to describe just how worthy He is to figure out
what’s good, just, and fair and just how small Job is. And after listening to
God’s response, Job is appropriately set back on the right path. He repents,
humbled, and returns to the faith he always knew to be true. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">A friend told me long ago that God can take our anger. He
can take it when we tell him how unfair this is and how upset we are things
aren’t going like we thought they should. As a mom, I now imagine one of
my kids as toddlers throwing a fit when I say no. It’s almost amusing. No
matter how frustrating the fit might be (or embarrassing in the middle of the
mall) it doesn’t change that I love them. I will take the time to discipline
them and help them learn better. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">God loves me. He will strengthen me and walk with me even if
I pitch a fit like a tired toddler. He isn’t going anywhere. He is faithful.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Oh that I will stand through this trial confident in the
fact that He loves me. He wants the best for me. Even when I cannot see what
the final outcome is going to be, I can trust him absolutely. The story of Job even
has a happy ending in chapter 42, verse 12: “The Lord blessed the latter part
of Job’s life more than the first.” There is promise that our faithful trust in
God leads to good things—either in this life or in heaven. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Oh, to be like Job.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-89008608378232542562014-06-03T21:37:00.000-07:002014-06-03T21:37:20.791-07:00All Because of a Shiny Ring<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I think it was a wedding ring that did it. Sitting across
from me in the first class on the road to membership at my new
church sat a woman with an exquisite wedding set. It must have recently been
cleaned because it sparkled in the light. I suddenly became very aware of my
empty finger…and so much more.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I pushed the thought aside. This was not a moment to think
about the fact that it had been nine months ago tonight when I had lost him.
This was a moment for the Discovery class to tell me if this was the church I
hoped it was. This was time for me to hear what this church believed in and
what the core values were from the senior pastor I was growing to respect and
his wife, a new friend I already adored. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Katy is such a gifted encourager. No, that’s not the word.
She’s welcoming. She’s hospitable. She makes you feel as though you are
important, welcomed, and valued in her presence. She makes you feel as though
you matter. It is a unique quality and I’d bet she has no idea this is what she
exudes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And still, as I listened, I couldn’t help but notice my
empty ring finger. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It’s been months since I wore my wedding ring. It started to
become loose in the cold temps and then it just didn’t feel right on my hand. I
sometimes wear other rings on that finger. Tonight I moved one from the other
hand and tried to focus.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As the evening went on, I found more reasons to be glad God
brought me to this church. In all my years as a pastor’s wife and in the few
when I served as a children’s pastor, I have never heard a senior pastor speak
with such passion about the importance of children’s ministry. Pastor David was
zealous about this ministry being where kids come to understand who Jesus is in
an environment that is fun but does not sacrifice truth. This man of God valued
ministry to children, teens, and young adults even if it meant we needed to cut
funds to ministry to adults to make it happen. I’m not sure I can adequately
convey how much I respected that. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The more the evening went on the more I felt absolutely sure
this is the church home for me and my kids. This is a place where messy is OK.
This is a place where questions are OK and faith is a journey we walk together.
This is a place Kraig would have liked.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Afterwards, I couldn’t hold it together as well as I wanted
so I simply whispered to Katy that tonight was 9 months. Her reply was a hug
and to tell me she thinks I’m so brave. She wondered if this class, this
process of membership would be hard. I told her I’d never joined a church as an
adult without him. But the irony is that if he hadn’t died, I never would have
had the privilege of finding this one. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
got another hug.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It was a good day, all in all. Ryan felt loved on this, his
14<sup>th</sup> birthday. He missed his dad, he told me on our shopping trip
for his gift. But only a little. I didn’t really focus on the date being a sad
anniversary of sorts until the wedding ring. That’s probably good. It’s
progress as I continue to move forward and breathe and live and trust God for
what happens next. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So tonight I will fall asleep, resting a bit easier that I’ve
found a fresh start in an amazing church. I will focus on the good from today
and the happy memories of Kraig just like I tell the kids to do. And I will
continue to trust that God has a plan more amazing than I can imagine.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-14438844983002419032014-05-29T21:49:00.000-07:002014-05-29T21:49:08.005-07:00Petrichor<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
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" style="height: 167px; margin-top: 0px; width: 302px;" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Petrichor – the smell
of rain on the dry ground.</i> Any Dr. Who fan reading this is smiling and
knowing where I learned that word. But seriously, as someone who loves words,
how did I not know for 40 years that this incredible smell had a name?! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Tonight we could smell it on the air. The storm clouds were
dark and foreboding on the horizon and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">petrichor</i>
wafted through the windows and the screen door. The day had been hot and full
of emotion and the cool wind and fantastic smell seemed to calm everything
down. Petrichor smells like change.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today was the last day of school. Today was a day of closing
chapters and it was a day spent trying to further beautify my house for
potential buyers. My fantastic friend, Kellie, again gave of her time and her organizational
gifts to help out. This time she helped my eldest son work a miracle in his
room. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When I ooh’d and aah’d at the transformation, she shrugged
as if it was no big deal. No big deal to help a teen who was trying his best
NOT to be bothered that she was messin’ with his stuff. No big deal to bring
order to chaos. No big deal to bless me, asking for nothing in return.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today was a day when I felt wholly inadequate at expressing
gratitude to the extent it was needed. Today I thanked teachers, principals,
school secretaries, and paraprofessional aides, for the amazing amounts of
support and care they have given my kids and I. Today I said goodbye to most of
them as we will be in new schools this fall if the sale of my house happens.
New chapters will be opened. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">But these schools have been fantastic in the midst of grief.
Even before that they were fantastic in autism and the daily grind of middle
school and elementary school. But in the midst of the greatest crisis my family
had ever faced, they stepped up to support and assist in ways far beyond their
job titles. How do you adequately say “thank you” for that? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Danny Janklow, the principal at North Middle School,
responded to my thank you with a smile and simple, heartfelt words: “Thank you
for sharing your children with us.” I cried. Chandra Spotted Eagle, vice
principal, made sure someone took a picture of mom and Ryan together and then
gave me a long hug. Michael Deming promised to get me all the contacts I would
need to get Kati the best start at South Middle School this fall once we got
settled in our new home. Secretaries told me I would be missed but that I would
make a place for myself at the new schools just fine. Teachers gave hugs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When I arrived home, still reeling from all this support and
love, I discovered someone had anonymously left flowers in a pot on my
doorstep. Ryan had wanted to plant more but with the move, I’d been putting him
off. Now he has something to tend that perhaps I won’t kill. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Tonight I am blessed and feeling less shaky on the precipice
of the unknown before me. Tonight I am grateful for the connections God has
helped me make and a little bit more confident I can make more in the coming school
year at new schools. I am a little more optimistic someone will love my house enough
to buy it and all will go well with moving us into a fresh place for fresh
starts. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Petrichor smells like a fresh beginning, a clean slate, I
think. It was the perfect smell to end a day like today. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-37779702747019303622014-05-28T14:58:00.000-07:002014-05-28T15:15:56.308-07:00A Week of Closing Chapters<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LCR4-eHFo-4/U4ZZe0TlP8I/AAAAAAAAAKY/KCCxkzWU38Y/s1600/IMG_0904.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LCR4-eHFo-4/U4ZZe0TlP8I/AAAAAAAAAKY/KCCxkzWU38Y/s1600/IMG_0904.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lucy, 2014 & Jarod, 2005</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It’s been a while since I was at something that made me
think, <i>Kraig’s missing this</i>. Today it happened at Lucy’s Kindergarten Spring
Sing as I watched my adorable little princess looking so grown up as she sang
with the other littles. It was only yesterday I watched Jarod do a Kindergarten
graduation wasn’t it? Today I took him to lunch to celebrate surviving his
Freshman year. Surviving seemed the right word.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When the thought hit me the tears rose, unbidden, and I
struggled to keep my smile in place as I wiped them away. I was in the front
row and Lucy could see me. Her brow furrowed a bit in the middle of “B-I-N-G-O.”
This was no time for grief. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Get out of
here</i>, I thought.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I’ve long loved the song “Blink” by the band Revive. It
seems to sum up parenting so well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Teach me to number
my days, and count every moment before they slip away, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Take in all the
colors, before they fade to gray. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I don’t want to
miss, even just a second more of this. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It happens in a
blink, it happens in a flash, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It happens in the
time it took to look back, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I try to hold on
tight, but there’s no stopping time, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">What is it I’ve done
with my life?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This was not a year I wanted to freeze. This was a year I
wanted to survive. This was a year I wanted them to survive. It was a year for
creating a new definition to normal and walking through grief. And yet it was another
year of their childhoods that flew by in a blink. They are now another year
taller, another year older, and another year closer to leaving my nest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZfuT5DznqFk/U4ZZg-Dl10I/AAAAAAAAAKg/YnsG2xMWyTo/s1600/IMG_0900.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZfuT5DznqFk/U4ZZg-Dl10I/AAAAAAAAAKg/YnsG2xMWyTo/s1600/IMG_0900.JPG" height="200" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This week I will attend ceremonies to see my
Kindergartener turn into a First Grader; my Sixth Grader into a Seventh; and my
Eighth Grader into a Freshman. They dispose of such silliness in high school
until the big enchilada. I settled for a Mom & Me date to Z’mareks (one of
Jarod's favorites) to celebrate the end of the worst Freshman year EVER.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This week I also saw the end of an incredible blessing. It
was the final day that Jim gave Jarod a ride to school. Kraig died in the
second week of this school year leaving me with a school day conundrum (among
many others)—how to get all four kids to three schools by 8:00?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no idea what Rapid City was thinking
with that scheduling nightmare. Before he died, we thought we had it figured
out: I’d drive or walk Lucy to Kindergarten at the end of the block. The middle
schoolers would walk to the other end of the block. Kraig would drive Jarod on
his way to work. Easy. Except now….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">In stepped Jim. Jim is married to my friend and mentor, Deb, and dad to one of my dearest friends, Chelsea. With his calm manner and
his gentle Texas drawl, it’s no wonder Jim has often stepped up to mentor young
men through his life. Jim heard about my scheduling problem and offered to
drive Jarod to school every morning until the year ended or Jarod got his
driver’s license. He told Chelsea it would be nice for Jarod to have another man
in his life if he needed to talk.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It was an incredible gift. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Jim doesn’t work or live anywhere near us. His home is
nestled in the hills on the outskirts of the west side of town. His office is
on the west side of town. We live on the north side and Jarod’s school is
downtown. Jim goes in early to his office and during the morning rush it was
probably 15-20 minutes to get here from there. But every morning, in rain or
shine or snow (and oh my word did that include a lot of snow this year), Jim
showed up outside my door with a smile to drive my eldest son to school. He
took a good 30-50 minutes out of his morning to help me and get to know Jarod.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">He’d arrive each morning with a smile and take a moment to
teach our dog to sit and not jump on him. He’d give me a fatherly hug and a
kiss on the cheek and ask how I was today, looking into my face to see the
answer as well as hear it. If he could see it wasn’t a good day he’d assure me
it would get better. If I could only muster an “ok,” he’d assure me in his
gentle Texas drawl, “That’s alright. Ok’s better’n not.” <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">He’d hug my girls and wish the boys an enthusiastic good
morning. He’d tell Lucy how much he loved her, acting as another grandpa when
her’s are so far away. He never judged my messy living room. He’d wait
patiently for Jarod to gather his things. We’d chat about our pending days or
he’d share random bits of advice from his years as a father. As Jarod grabbed
his coat, Jim would ask if he had everything—instrument? Cell phone? Water bottle?
And then he’d wish us a good day and take Jarod to school.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">In a few days Jarod will try for his driver’s permit and
next year the plan is for him to drive both Ryan and himself to school while I
drive the girls from our new house. Another chapter that might be closing is on
this house if I can find a buyer. I’ve found the new house. Now we wait for
this one to move.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I sit here today typing and feeling a little melancholy that
a few of these things are ending. And yet I feel as though we are battle worn
and starting to heal. I will miss Jim’s morning visits. I will miss living on
the same street as two wonderful schools that I’ve developed such good
relationships with. And I’m sure there will be more days when the thought, <i>Kraig’s
missing this</i> will rise in my heart. Graduations and weddings and concerts and
plays—all these things seemed to rush at once into my mind today as I saw my
tiny princess with a flower in her hair singing her heart out in the front row.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Life will go on. And I will number these days and try to
count every moment before I’m taking her to lunch after her freshman year.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-285904517699785622014-05-26T21:02:00.000-07:002014-05-27T06:36:49.852-07:00A Good Memorial Day<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today was a good day. It could have been terrible or sad or
both. Today is a day people think of fallen veterans and departed family and
visit grave sides. We went hiking instead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ShbT_A7q_zo/U4QMsb-PYGI/AAAAAAAAAJg/N7ebVqwIvho/s1600/SAM_0146.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ShbT_A7q_zo/U4QMsb-PYGI/AAAAAAAAAJg/N7ebVqwIvho/s1600/SAM_0146.JPG" height="156" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We visited the Badlands. It was a place we’ve loved to take
the kids for years but oddly enough last year we never made it out there. I
think that helped it be a good choice for today. There were no fresh memories
with Dad here. Lucy didn’t even really remember this place. To her it was a
vague memory enhanced by a visit to a photo album.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today I tried to do things differently. We didn’t stay long
at the visitor’s center. We chose different places to picnic and hike at the
start of the day. I passed up places we “always” went. Today was a day for new
adventures with a touch of the familiar.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We were treated with several firsts today—a gift from God
perhaps to help today be a new experience? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t-H3zekPds8/U4QMsSoMpZI/AAAAAAAAAJc/Em5sE5NT7Gg/s1600/close+up+dog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t-H3zekPds8/U4QMsSoMpZI/AAAAAAAAAJc/Em5sE5NT7Gg/s1600/close+up+dog.jpg" height="200" width="155" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We fed prairie dogs right out the window of the van! That’s
never happened before. The kids crammed out the windows to toss grapes and
lettuce and at least pretend we were trying to feed them things the game
wardens would approve of. I kept glancing on the horizon for any official vehicles
arriving to make us stop while the giggles and requests for the camera kept
coming. One little prairie dog even sang for his supper. Either that or he was
yelling, “Hey! I want a piece of that action!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IYsNcP3gvw4/U4QM0r5oSBI/AAAAAAAAAJs/AAiAgvRE4zE/s1600/SAM_0171.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IYsNcP3gvw4/U4QM0r5oSBI/AAAAAAAAAJs/AAiAgvRE4zE/s1600/SAM_0171.JPG" height="150" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We saw mountain goats on the ridges as we came to stopped
traffic around a bend. We don’t remember ever seeing them this close before. Kati
even saw a mom with a baby.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As we arrived in the last portion of the park to get out and
hike, we were greeted with the most breathtakingly beautiful views I think we’ve
ever gotten here. It was certainly the most green and lush we’ve ever seen the
Badlands. A winter with record snowfall and wet days in the past weeks have
been rewarded with bursting green growth and astounding contrast in the hills
of yellows and reds bursting forth where normally a sea of tans awaits. It was
phenomenal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ButZXKCrAtE/U4QM7cZa4BI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/XKrsHDg5aB8/s1600/SAM_0183.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ButZXKCrAtE/U4QM7cZa4BI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/XKrsHDg5aB8/s1600/SAM_0183.JPG" height="151" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I watched as my own little mountain goats romped and climbed
higher and higher until I had to shout out for them to return. A storm was
moving in on the horizon and I wasn’t sure I wanted them perched precariously
on a precipice with thunder rolling softly in the distance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today was a good day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">At dinner I decided I should tell them how some people who’ve
lost a loved one celebrate today. They agreed this was better. Dad would have
liked this better. Still grief snuck up on one of my children at bedtime. Ryan,
because of his autism, keeps looping back to the night his father died and
wrestling with his shock, anger, hurt, and so on. Today reminded him of Dad’s
absence. But at least it didn’t hit him until the quiet of bedtime. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZapHLZaDvWc/U4QN0Q9oVXI/AAAAAAAAAKI/18yHo0XoEq0/s1600/SAM_0185.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZapHLZaDvWc/U4QN0Q9oVXI/AAAAAAAAAKI/18yHo0XoEq0/s1600/SAM_0185.JPG" height="150" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">On another day I will ask one more time if they want to help
me scatter Kraig’s ashes or just want me to take care of it. It’s time. It’s
past time. On another day we will go pick out rocks to have engraved as
monuments for Dad to keep in our garden. I’ve decided this is a more personal
tribute than a cold cemetery they will never want to visit. Those things can
wait for another day.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: small;">Today we laughed. We hiked. We climbed until Mom
either couldn’t keep up or demanded for safety-sake they come back to earth. We
fed prairie dogs and played “what do you see in that cloud” on a long drive.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: small;">Today was a good day.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-39397117370854960632014-05-20T09:41:00.000-07:002014-05-20T09:41:19.248-07:00Glorious Unfolding<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><b>As promised in my last blog entry (Lightening My Load), here is the blog that I almost didn't post. Praying it provides continued encouragement to others struggling to continue walking through grief.</b></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I sit here tonight doing what I’ve done often since Kraig
died. I’m listening to songs that remind me of truths I know at the core of my
very being. Tonight it’s Nicole Nordeman’s version of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus</i> and Steven Curtis Chapman with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Glorious Unfolding</i>. Since the day after
Kraig died I’ve turned to music when I’m struggling. When I’m feeling lost I’m
careful to choose ones with words solid in their declarations of God’s promises
and beautiful in their poetry. I rock out to other stuff on the good days.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Tonight the thread of hope seems thinner somehow. My friend,
Chelsea, today reminded me it’s OK that grief seemed to grip my heart for no
reason. It snuck up on me this weekend mowing the lawn as I was hit by the vast
number of dandelions populating my yard. Realization that Kraig took care of
them each year dawned on me. As I started to wonder how I’d figure out what he
used the sob rose in my chest as my heart protested, “But I don’t want to have
to take care of this…this one more thing I must figure out.” I was glad the
mower was loud and the kids couldn’t hear me sobbing as I hurried to finish the
yard ahead of a storm.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Both Saturday and Sunday had some hard moments in the midst of
really good stuff. I think that might be why I feel lost—nothing other than
dandelions seemed to cause this. Maybe stress of trying to prepare to move
played in there as well. That’s stressful under the best of circumstances. And
the best of circumstances these are not. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Tonight as I struggled to make it to bedtime, I had to deal
with not one but three kids coming up between 9:30 and 10. One sobbing as the
reality that Dad would not be here to share in the fun we have planned this
summer. One looking for the bathroom and not knowing why she was
crying—probably because her brother was. One asking for prayer because scary
thoughts were plaguing him as he tried to fall asleep.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Oh weary mind, Oh troubled soul, all the broken pieces that
you hold, turn them over, give them up, and then watch what Jesus does. Oh
heavy heart, Oh heavy load, lay it down and let it go, leave your broken
yesterday in the open arms of grace….” Nicole sings these words and I reach for
them like a salve for a wound. Not once has my faith wavered but this journey
is long and exhausting and just when I think I’m emerging from it, another wave
crashes on my shore.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“You will walk on waves again, when you have set your gaze
on him.” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Promise, Nicole? Walking on the
waves seems so beyond the possible right at this very moment. </i>“So look up,
look up, this is a song about the morning after a long night. So look up, look
up, this is a song about believing it’s gonna be alright, when you turn your
eyes upon Jesus….” I long for the morning after this long night. I’m tired, so
very tired.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As my exhausted body begs for sleep I turn to another song,
a newer song. I hope to be able to meet Mr. Chapman at this summer’s Hills
Alive music festival when I work it. As a DJ sometimes I get to do that. I want
to thank him for the first verse of his newest song, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Glorious Unfolding</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Lay your head
down tonight<br />
Take a rest from the fight<br />
Don’t try to figure it out<br />
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart<br />
‘Cause I know this is not<br />
Anything like you thought<br />
The story of your life was gonna be<br />
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you<br />
But it’s just not true<br />
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold</span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><br />
And this is going to be a glorious unfolding<br />
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed<br />
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over<br />
So hold on to every promise God has made to us<br />
And watch this glorious unfolding</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Those words speak to my heart with clarity. I need to lay my
head down tonight trusting that God is unfolding something beyond what I could
ask or even imagine. How do people without Jesus cope with loss? I cannot
fathom the despair that must be magnified without an anchor in the promises
that I am not alone and I am not directionless. “Let us remember, this life
we’re living is just the beginning of the beginning…” The eternal perspective
Steven sings about is truth, is life, is hope. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So tonight I will finish writing and head to bed, trusting
once more that tomorrow God will help me care for my kids and direct my paths
because I trust Him. He has never failed me and He won’t start now. He will
bring the joy and help these wounds continue to heal. He will continue to send
me friends and family to offer support and help. He will continue to direct my
path because I have asked Him to. Where He leads, I will follow no matter where
that path leads. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">One day I will look back and see the gloriously unfolding
story He walked me through because I kept my eyes on Jesus. For tonight all I
need to do is trust Him and get some sleep.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-60719408771875798532014-05-19T16:54:00.000-07:002014-05-19T16:54:48.120-07:00Lightening My Load<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Last night I wrestled with grief, yet again. It was a rocky
weekend for unexpected reasons. Writing helps me work through my grief, my
process, my faith. I finished a blog that was, in my humble opinion, pretty
well written. But I did not post it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I thought, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m tired
of writing about grief! I’m sure my friends are tired of reading about it. I’m
not sure I should post this.</i> I know that this is what I’m walking right now
and writing honestly about what you know is the most powerful form of personal
story. But wrestling with grief is exhausting. It’s heavy and it saps your
energy. I want to write about funny or sweet again. I want to shake grief off
my shoulders like an ugly coat. I want to write about sunshine and unicorns and
butterflies. OK, maybe not that last sentence. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I started today trying to shake the heaviness of feeling low
by exercising and going to coffee with a friend. I shared with her why I hadn’t
posted what I’d written. She agreed this must be exhausting. It’s exhausting
for her just walking next to me and helping me through this. She wasn’t
complaining but she understood.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And then God sent me a reminder of why I’m still writing
about my process of grief. It came in the form of a Facebook message from a
stranger. Tears filled my eyes as a woman in Florida whom I’ve never met but who
teaches my niece and nephew sent me a note of encouragement.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 31.5pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“…<span class="null">I have kinda
kept up with your story because of your sisters. I started reading your blog
just because they had shared it with me and I was interested. I have laughed,
cried, and ran the gamut of emotions. Your way with words and total honesty had
me floored from the beginning. I have learned a lot about the grieving process
through you. Funny how God gives us what we need before we even know we need
it. Exactly 2 weeks ago, my sister received the devastating news that her
husband was killed on the job out of town. I went into immediate action &
drove the 3 hours to be with her. We traveled to North Carolina to retrieve his
belongings and I talked about your blog along the way. Because of you I knew
some things to say (& not to say) and knew how to help her with the
terrible tasks that needed to be tended to. I have shared your blog with her
& I know it will begin to help her heal...little by little. I just wanted
you to know I appreciate you & wanted you to know YOU are making a
difference.</span>”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Oh how I needed that today. And as I finished reading it I
was reminded of the other people who have told me they know someone I don’t who
is following my blog. There’s the friend in Michigan who asked my advice on
what NOT to say to a friend suffering loss. There’s my late-husband’s cousin in
Indiana who is reading it, I’ve heard, as she struggles through a different
kind of loss. The tears could not be contained but now they were accompanied by
a smile. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I share her note not to brag about my abilities but to point
to a God who brings us what we need, when we need it. I was feeling this might
be pointless. I was feeling my words might be, well, actually, annoying. God
whispered today a reminder into my heart that He is using my pain to help
others. That has been the cry of my heart from the start. If I cannot use what
I’ve gone through to show others how faithful He is, what is the point? If I
cannot show that Jesus runs to the brokenhearted, then this struggle is meaningless. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So I guess I might post what I wrote last night. Because
somewhere there is at least one mom struggling to deal with the sudden loss of
her husband as she shepherds little hearts. Maybe she needs to hear what she’s
feeling is normal and there is hope. Maybe she needs to hear from another mom
that this will start to get better but that it takes time. Maybe she needs to
hear that Jesus loves her and is willing to walk through this with her.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Oh that God would continue to use my words to help others dealing
with grief. That makes it a little more bearable. That lightens my load.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-86520950444254921442014-05-11T08:01:00.000-07:002014-05-11T08:01:20.299-07:00Happy Mother's Day<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
I had been ordered back to bed by my daughters, insisting
they were making me breakfast in bed even though I’d been up for an hour. I
played along. I’d never had breakfast in bed on Mother’s Day before. I felt a
lot like I’d stumbled into <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Downton Abbey</i>.
The only difference may have been my bedroom in no way gave the appearance of
my having a cleaning staff.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Since the </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">girls knew they’d need to finish final preparations for
my “surprise,” they laid out my cell phone and iPad on the night stand so
that I’d have plenty to entertain me while I waited. It was cute.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I had just opened Facebook when a tiny hand covered my eyes.
I started to protest that I could just close them. Her fingers were freezing.
But she would have none of it—she needed to make sure this was a complete
surprise. Instead of fighting it I focused on the feel of a tiny hand that is
getting bigger every day. The end of her palm rested next to the edge of my
right eye and her fingertips came half way across my left. The hand was too
small to cover both eyes. But I could hear a giggle escape as her sister came
into the room. I tried to capture this moment and freeze it in my mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7u7fThXflTw/U2-PvvZD6kI/AAAAAAAAAJM/l_V0MnKrNz0/s1600/IMG_0823.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7u7fThXflTw/U2-PvvZD6kI/AAAAAAAAAJM/l_V0MnKrNz0/s1600/IMG_0823.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">A tray was placed on my lap and Kati told me to open my
eyes. Before me was a carefully arranged tray with far too much food but so
much love. They’d worked hard on this. On the corner of the tray was my
favorite part—four cards wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day had been created by
the four not-so-little blessings in my life. Each one was signed with a
personal note, some simple and some more elaborate. Lucy’s included two stick
figures. She felt the need to tell me that the taller one was me and the
shorter one was her. Kati’s included a sweet note I will cherish and keep to
myself. The notes from the boys were short but so sweet. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This is my first Mother’s Day without Kraig. This year is
full of firsts like that. Kraig struggled sometimes to make holidays special.
It wasn’t the way he was raised but he did try. This morning I felt blessed
that the kids had made such a sweet effort. In a little while we’ll wake the
boys up and open the gift they got me. My friend Chelsea helped Jarod purchase
something they all agreed on yesterday. She wouldn’t let me pay for it. Bless
her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Our tradition for the past three years has been to go to
Reptile Gardens on Mother’s Day and get summer passes at a discounted rate and
get mine free. I’m not sure we’ll do that today. It’s going to be 42 degrees.
But more than that, I’m trying to do some things differently as we walk our new
reality. And starting the day off with breakfast in bed was a new tradition I
could get used to--especially breakfast prepared with so much love.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-8303173169252149752014-05-04T17:22:00.001-07:002014-05-04T17:22:29.177-07:00Grief is Sneaky but God is Good<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Grief is sneaky. As time creates distance from the loss,
life returns to normal. Days dawn bright and clear and normal things like
chores and watching movies make a Sunday seem blissfully uneventful. And then
grief sneaks up in the most unexpected of ways, raw and emotional and cruel.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Today the catalyst was my daughter playing with a friend
named Rachel. I was feeling thankful because Rachel’s father was installing a
new exhaust fan in the basement bathroom. It was a project Kraig hadn’t
finished before he died. Jeremy was giving up a Sunday afternoon to take care
of this for me at no charge. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I heard the girls outside arguing so I opened the screen
door to ask what was going on. That’s when Lucy explained the problem. They
were playing Little Mermaid and Rachel was mad because Lucy wanted to change
things. Lucy matter-of-factly explained she wanted to pretend that Ariel’s
father had died instead of her mother.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">It took my breath away. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I know that children play as therapy. Whether it is dealing
with trauma or dealing with stress, play is how they cope. My youngest daughter
seemed to have moved past most of her grieving. I think that’s why this hit me
so unexpectedly.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I walked away fighting tears, trying to figure out if I
should stop her, and trying to catch my breath. I felt like the wind had been
knocked out of me. Before I could form a plan of action, the girls had worked
it out and moved on. Children are so resilient. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My day suddenly seemed to be quieter, more contemplative. I
texted some of my support circle and Rachel’s mom, in case it came up at home
later. That helped. I fought the tears off and continued to prep dinner, but a
knot settled in my chest, tight and heavy.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As I sat down to write this out and process (which is how I
cope), I heard the most wonderful sound. It was the laughter of Jarod and Kati.
They were having ridiculous fun playing Minecraft together on our iPads. I heard
the laughter and them shouting out randomness like:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Pig-ina, noooo!” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“The lifeboat sprung a leak! Oh the
humanity!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">“Rose, I’ll sacrifice myself for
you!” </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Ryan walked in and asked Jarod what they were doing. The
answer: recreating Titanic with the animals in the Minecraft world. Ridiculous.
A tad disturbing. But oh so wonderful to hear.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Grief sucker punched me today but not them. Their dad would
have found this Sunday afternoon computer play creative and hilarious. He would
have laughed so I smiled. Outside I could hear Lucy playing and singing with
Barbies. Ryan sat at the table building a rocket. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’d love to say that grief and sorrow vanished in an instant
at the sound of children happily enjoying a spring afternoon. It didn’t. The
knot in my chest remained but it did loosen. And as dinner finished in the oven,
a scripture was whispered into my knotted heart. It was from 1 Corinthians
4:7-8: “<span class="text">But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this</i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">all-surpassing
power is from God and not from us.</b></i></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> <span class="text"><span id="en-NIV-28868">We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed,
but not in despair</span></span></i></b><span class="text">….” (emphasis mine)</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span class="text">I don’t despair because of the
all-surpassing power of God that is sustaining me. I have been hard pressed but
not crushed, perplexed but I do not despair. I serve a God who is trustworthy.
When grief sucker punches me I can return to the trust that He knows what He’s doing. He will
help me continue to put one step in front of the other. Grief is sneaky, but
God is good. </span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-67793905130747095402014-05-01T12:38:00.000-07:002014-05-01T12:38:10.519-07:00We Are Brave<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">This morning I needed to be brave, and to be
perfectly honest, I did not think I had it in me. Life after my husband’s death
has not been easy. But slowly it has been moving forward, becoming a new normal
for the kids and me. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Yesterday I took a leap that shook me. For months I’ve
been preparing my kids for the real need we have to leave this house and find a
bigger one. It’s something Kraig and I discussed and argued about. Our house is
pretty good, affordable, close to EVERYTHING, and has an adorably cute backyard
to die for. But as our kids have gotten bigger, the walls seem to be shrinking.
There are things this house cannot do that we need it to.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Yesterday I met with a realtor referred by a friend.
I thought we were going to talk about what I needed to do to prep this house
for sale and what kinds of things I needed in a new one. But my house is so
close to ready, she pulled out the paperwork and before I knew what was
happening, a For Sale sign resided in my front yard. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">It’s what I wanted. It’s what I’d told the kids was
going to happen. This market is moving fast and if we want to find something and
be settled before school starts, now is the time. But the feeling that hit me
was the panic of being on that first hill on a roller coaster and knowing you
could not get off until the ride was over. Anyone who knows me knows I hate
roller coasters. That first hill gives some people a thrill. It gives me a
bonafide panic attack. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I love house hunting. Or at least I used to with
Kraig. We loved viewing houses and seeing the possibilities of what we could do
with a new one. He was so handy. I’m not bad myself. But whether it was the
prospect of doing this without him or the thought of leaving the last house we
called home together, I found myself quietly crying in my van later. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">This morning the feeling lingered even though the
kids’ reactions had ranged from indifference to excitement. And as I sat down
to spend time with God the realization that the meeting I needed to have with
Ryan’s teachers was on today’s agenda. Today I would pick their brains to
determine what course of action his freshman year supports would need.
High-functioning autism isn’t a black and white plan. And the sadness settled
on me like a chilled wind.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I’ve written often about how media speaks to me so I
went looking for a song. I played the video on YouTube over and over this
morning for Shawn McDonald’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">We Are Brave</i>.
We follow a God who can help us be brave. His followers face down lions dens,
fiery furnaces, and walk on water. We are brave.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">We
might bend or even break<br />
The journey's long, but we will celebrate<br />
When we get through the valley<br />
<br />
We're not defined by the fall<br />
We get back up<br />
Keep pressing through these walls<br />
It's worth the fight<br />
<br />
And we say hey, when we go through the fire<br />
Heart in hand, hope alive, it will be ok<br />
Hey, when we walk across the wire<br />
We won't back down ‘cause we are brave<br />
We are brave<br />
<br />
And even though we might be afraid<br />
To place it all on the line we won't hesitate<br />
We've come too far<br />
<br />
So let the blaze keep growing higher<br />
It's in the flames that we shine brighter<br />
Standing tall through it all<br />
‘Cause we are the fighters<br />
<br />
We got style, we got grace, and we walk it bold<br />
We got hearts full of life that are made of gold<br />
We're alive, we're alive and we keep on moving, moving</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I didn’t feel brave.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">So I headed for tea with my new friend, Katy, and
was honest that today was not a good day. It got better after an hour and a
half of talking and tears, stories and hope, compassion and prayer. I didn’t
hide my grief behind a false smile. I shared honestly that I was struggling
today to be brave. Katy is a woman gifted in compassion and her support chased
away the feeling of chill. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">After meeting together and talking about God’s
provision and His fantastic promises in this journey that is not easy, I felt
brave. After she offered to join me at my meeting with teachers today, I felt
brave. When she prayed for me, I was brave. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">I’m alive, I've come too far, and God
walks with me. Sometimes He does it by sending people to walk with me but I am alive
and I will keep on moving. Today and for as long as He walks with me, I am
brave.</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-49526769864337737842014-04-25T13:29:00.001-07:002014-04-25T14:58:59.757-07:00Uniquely Gifted<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’m working through something difficult right now. I need to
determine where my son with autism will start his high school career. I need to
make the call on two options for what kind of learning environment he will
begin next year with. And the decision rests with me alone.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">That had me really down yesterday. I should say that I’ve
always been the one who meets with his teachers and therapists. I’m the one who
goes to the IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meetings to find out how he’s
functioning in school and help determine what kind of support he needs. I’m the
one who has done the research on his rights in the public school setting. I’m
the one who gathered information and have been since he was two years old and we
discovered he was different.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But after I had the information, I had a husband who
listened. We’d discuss what I learned and what I heard at meetings and we’d
decide together what the best course of action for Ryan was. Most of the time,
Kraig would follow my lead, trusting my research and instincts. I’d made myself
the expert on Ryan’s special needs. But sometimes he would disagree and I
valued his wisdom and input.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Yesterday I was close to tears because that input is gone.
He’s in heaven and I’m still here.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I thought I had the best choice ready for Ryan. I’ve got a
meeting coming up where we finalize those plans and his schedule for next year.
And then I spoke with one of his teachers. Audra is a wonderful woman who
pushes Ryan, sometimes to tears, telling him, “I want you to be the best Ryan
you can be.” I value her input. And her initial take on my choices was the
other one, the one I hadn’t chosen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I drove away thinking about this and I was scared. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What am I going to do?</i> Time is running
out and if I choose wrong, the worst case scenario of either will be a) he’s
not challenged enough and he loses progress we’ve made OR b) I place him in a
stressful environment that frustrates him and sets him back. And then a song
came on. It’s one I’ve always loved: Jason Gray’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Remind Me of Who I Am</i>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">When I lose my way, And I forget my
name,<br />
Remind me who I am.<br />
In the mirror all I see, Is who I don't wanna be,<br />
Remind me who I am.<br />
In the loneliest places, When I can't remember what grace is.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Tell me, once again, who I am to
You</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As I listened to the lyrics of this song, words flowed into
my heart as clear as a bell. Not the lyrics this time but words I have
encouraged moms with for years. They are my words: “I believe you are uniquely
gifted to be the best mom for the children God gave YOU.” I AM uniquely gifted
to be the best mom for Ryan. I can do this.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The panic evaporated and the peace replaced it; I came up
with a plan. I would seek wise counsel from the regular education teachers who
work with him daily. I would weigh the benefits and then choose what I feel is
best for Ryan. And then I will monitor it closely, keeping in contact with his
teachers next year to make sure whatever choice I go with is helping him be the
best Ryan he can be.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Whether you are a mom or dad to a special needs child
struggling to make choices you never dreamed of or the parent of neuro-typical
kid struggling at a crossroads, let me be your cheerleader. YOU are uniquely
equipped to be the BEST mom or dad for this child. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Of all the mommies and daddies possible YOU are the parent
God in Heaven, Creator of this child, chose for this child. It may be hard. At
times you may want to take the easier path because you are just tired. I get
that. Parenting is exhausting. But don’t choose the easy path—choose the best
path. Wrestle with the options. Be consistent day in and day out. Ask the God
who gave you this child to help you rise to the challenge. You can do this. I
can do this. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">We are uniquely gifted to be the best parents our children
deserve when we trust God and don't give up. It is worth it.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-32720076393039574392014-04-16T12:33:00.000-07:002014-04-16T12:33:38.244-07:00The Beautiful Power in a Story<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">She sat across from me in the tea house, this new friend.
She with her latte and me with my pot of Scottish tea and we began to share our
stories. She went first, sharing a journey of faith and fall, grace and
redemption, restoration and glory to the God who used it all to bring her to
this place in her life. Throughout I nodded and connected with this woman. I
shared some of my story and showed her some of the scars I carry from years in professional
ministry. She realized I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">knew</i>; I
understood some of the scars she bears from years in public ministry. And I
began to share some of the journey that had brought me here.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">During this delightful morning we got to know each other on
a deep level, each growing in appreciation for the woman across from us as we
heard the resonating theme of God’s direction in our lives. Through the highs
and lows we were both women who trusted God and sought to share His love in
authentic ways in our circles of influence. A friendship was formed this
morning over tea and coffee all because of the beautiful power in a story.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’ve always loved stories. I’m drawn to books and movies and
their ability to transport us to wondrous places. I’ve loved sharing my story
and listening to the stories of others. Everyone has a story and each is
unique. Most stories have pain somewhere as a thread in them. One of my
favorite quotes from C.S. Lewis is this: “God whispers to us in our pleasures,
speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse
a deaf world.” Our scars can defeat us or they can stand as badges of honor to
the lessons we’ve learned and the restorative power of a God who shouts to get
our attention.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Recently I started re-watching the TV series LOST with my
eldest son. He is becoming quite the Sci-Fi geek. I’m so proud. When the plane
disappeared off Malaysia last month, I told him it was eerily like this show
and he asked if he could watch it with me. He’d never seen it. One of the most
teachable moments he’s gleaned from this show is that everyone has a story—no one
is simply two dimensional. Through the art of the flashback to back-stories of
the characters in this show, he has connected that people are complex. You have
no idea the journey that has helped create the person standing before you. What
a powerful lesson.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I pray that God can use my story to help me connect with
people. I pray He uses it to shine the truth of His faithfulness to me and the
love He has for this world. I am so thankful that my day began with sharing
stories with this delightful new friend and excited we immediately made another
date to share more. I want to hear more of her story and share with her more of
mine. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Everyone has a story and most are longing for someone to
share it with. Listening to each other’s stories creates relationship and
connection. When we give our stories to Jesus, He can use them to accomplish
amazing things. Jason Gray’s song <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">With
Every Act of Love</i> has great lyrics in the bridge: “God put a million
million doors in this world for his love to walk through, one of those doors is
you.” He uses our stories as those doors.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There is beautiful power in each of our stories when we let
God use them.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-64568143974093123192014-04-05T13:38:00.000-07:002014-04-05T13:38:11.538-07:00So much more than a car<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It sat there in front of my house virtually shining in the cool,
spring sunshine. It was one of the most beautiful cars I’ve ever seen--not
because of what is was physically but because of what it meant. This 1999
Saturn with hail damage, a tricky ignition, crank down windows, and no power
locks was beautiful because God was in how it came to be ours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I was willing to buy it. They were asking the price that fit
in my budget—under what I’d been given by insurance to total out my
late-husband’s car at Christmas when another car slid into it. Jaime, a friend, had
heard about this car from a woman in her Bible study. The asking price of $1,500
was perfect for my son’s first car. I’m a firm believer everyone’s first car
and first apartment should be a little bit dumpy. Then you can move up from
there. You have something to appreciate. And, if something happens to it, it’s
not that big of a deal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EYSlJ3seDWQ/U0BpUhRBUWI/AAAAAAAAAI4/XkOjfF4r7oI/s1600/jarods+car+crop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EYSlJ3seDWQ/U0BpUhRBUWI/AAAAAAAAAI4/XkOjfF4r7oI/s1600/jarods+car+crop.jpg" height="320" width="300" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When Jaime told them about our loss, about Kraig’s death,
they changed their minds. They told her there would be no charge. They wanted
to honor God by caring for this family going through so much. I wept when she
told me. She wept when she told me. Jarod’s car would be free.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When this kind man, this brother in the faith, called to
tell me he would be bringing it by in a week, I asked, “Are you sure?” He didn’t
hesitate, “Yes. We are sure. We want to do this.” And then he went on to tell
me it had snow tires on it and he’d be including four “summer” tires and two
extras he just happened to have. I tried to protest that he could sell these
but he would hear none of it. He and his wife wanted to do this. They also
wanted to give us the name and number of the mechanic who had serviced it over
the years. This man was willing to help us out and even show Jarod how to make
minor repairs as they came up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Jaime is my friend who took my hand and looked me in the
eyes the day after Kraig died and assured me God would take care of us. She was
gifted that day with supernatural faith to trust the impossible was simple for
God. I’m thrilled she got to be part of this miracle. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As I’ve moved this week past the seven month mark since he
died, the grief still appears sometimes. The kids too still have days when it
comes unexpectedly and erodes the sand beneath their feet, temporarily
knocking them off balance--but only for a moment. It is getting more infrequent which is
good, healthy. Life is going on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I’m trying to de-clutter and prep our house to put on the market
which is hard. What of his things am I ready to part with? What takes my breath
away? I need to get projects finished and a kitchen repainted (yuck). And I
need to decide what to pack up and what can stay put until we know for sure we’ve
got a better home to call ours.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I’ve wrestled a bit with the seemingly insurmountable task
of finding a house I will be able to afford in a safe neighborhood that will
fit my ever-growing children. It seems impossible I will be able to find something.
And then this car appears reminding me nothing is impossible for the God who
provides for our needs. God, who tells his followers in James 1:27, “<span class="text">Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:
to look after orphans and widows in their distress</span>….” God is
sending His people to help care for us when I have no idea how I’ll take care
of what’s next. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This is true religion. This is God’s people in action,
getting it right. That is why what sits in front of my house today is so much
more than a car.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-47184419025156005652014-04-02T13:40:00.000-07:002014-04-05T14:45:35.844-07:00Remember to Breathe<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Standing in a half inch of water, stretched across the
bathroom holding up the bobber in the back of the toilet to stem the rising
flood, and sobbing is NOT how I planned to start my day. Though I’m sure you’ll
agree that probably woke me up far better than a cup of tea, it just was not
what I was expecting. Seriously though, in retrospect, I really did look like
I was trapped in a bizarre game of Twister. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">My 15-year-old son had discovered the toilet clogged the
night before and had decided he would need to know how to fix that someday so
why not now? He’d plunged it and thought it was fixed. I was relieved. Yesterday
was a bad day for grief. I was spent so I just took his word for it. In the
morning, when he saw it wasn’t quite fixed, he tried again, not wanting to bug
me. Only this time the plunger didn’t work. It took him a moment to realize it
wasn’t stopping—he needed my help.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">By the time I got there, the floor had a good half inch of water. I
stepped in with my slippers on and did the only thing I could think of—take the
back off the toilet and hold up the floater-thingy so it would stop running. Now what?
It’s the answer to that question that started the sobs. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kraig would know</i>, I thought. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">But
Kraig’s not here</i>, came the reply. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You
need to fix this</i>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In that moment this was not an overflowing toilet. This was
grief personified. This was all that I was missing, all that I had lost. I
realized that later in the day as I started to feel ashamed that I’d completely
lost it this morning. I was unable to figure out what to do. I know it’s
nothing to be ashamed of but still the feeling lingered.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Thankfully my sister, Bethany, knew to tell me to turn off
the water under the toilet. Thankfully the man who gives my son a ride told me
which plumber to call. Thankfully the plumber who came was a worship leader at
a local church, pastored by a lady who works at my radio station. Thankfully,
it was a simple fix and when he found out who my husband had been, he offered
to shovel the snow on my walk, just to be nice. Thankfully God intervened
through people.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">That’s a bunch of “thankfully.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I felt so bad that my tears had stressed my oldest son. But
again, I was thankful he helped feed his little sister and that the kids all
got ready for school with minimal help from me. I am not a quitter. I am not a
weak woman. But when those questions clouded my head, I was helpless for a
moment. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I pulled myself together and got the kids off to school. I
got the towels and clothing off the floor, soaked in water, and tossed them in
the laundry. I brewed another cup of tea waiting for the plumber. And once he
was done, I called the high school to see if they’d get a note to Jarod that
all was fine. I didn’t want him to be stressed. The secretary sounded like she thought
I was nuts. He never got the note.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I’m also thankful today is the day I scheduled to use my massage
gift certificate. After all that emotion and stress, I needed it. It was good
to relax and focus on the moment. Afterwards Bethany even called with some
solid advice—make a how-to book to have on hand so that if an emergency arises,
we know the plan. This our new reality. We need a plan to handle whatever may come. Wise words. Good idea.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I can do this. I know that. I have been doing this for the
last seven months. I will continue to figure this out and I’m sure I’ll have
other days when it all seems impossible…but it’s not. God did not abandon me
here. He provides what I need when I need it. I just need to remember in the
midst of chaos compounded by grief to take (my other sister) Alisha’s advice:
breathe. Take a breath and figure it out. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Now to go put the bathroom back together.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-26933444582295417472014-03-26T11:55:00.001-07:002014-04-05T14:47:01.467-07:00Simple Pleasures, Simple Gifts<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So last night I’m blogging about a rough day and being
refocused on the God who is getting me through each rough day. Today, I had
some simple blessings that helped it be not so rough.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The biggest one is the phone call I got last night I’m still
flying high from. There’s a wonderful family GIVING my eldest son a car. It’s a
beater car with lots of miles but he’s put tons of work into it so it will last
us a while. And I’m a firm believer that everyone should have a beat up first car and
a crappy first apartment. It helps you appreciate moving up from there. This
family felt moved of God not to sell it to me but to simply give it. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This morning I was “privileged” to get to wake at 6:00 to
get my daughter to track practice. But the joy was it’s an off exercise day so
I got to head back to bed after the last little duckling was dropped off at
school. So what if the dog woke me twice? I got to rest in a comfy bed under
warm covers for a whole hour. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I got to take an uninterrupted shower in the quiet of an
empty house. How many of my MOPS friends just got jealous? It was so relaxing.
Didn’t even shave my legs. I just enjoyed the hot water and nobody pounding on
the door to tell me their sibling was picking on them.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I got to put into practice the new organizational tip I’m
trying. I bought the kids mesh laundry bags and three out of four of them had
actually put their dirty socks inside. Seriously that’s gonna be amazing when
they come out of the dryer. You have no idea the levels of hatred I have for
sorting socks.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The best treat of my morning was heading to my friend Jaime’s
house and sharing with her how amazing and how do-able a family vacation to
Disney World would be for her family. I gave her all my best tips and showed
her money saving tricks and at one point she laughed out loud and said, “Look
at you talk about this. You’re beaming!” I really do love doing Disney right.
It brought joy to me and gave her a much-needed break in the midst of her chaos
of home remodeling and sick kiddos.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But the day wasn’t over yet! I took my blessing-from-heaven
new van in for its first service visit. It was included in my purchase so I
didn’t have to worry about what they’d find or how much it would cost. The
Toyota lady even ordered me a new part for a small thing that fell off one of
the seats—under warranty. And they washed it. That right there made me smile.
It looks so pretty now.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As I type this I’m getting ready to start my insane,
early-release-Wednesday routine. Today's will include driving to two schools, getting Ryan to
the Y to swim laps, taking Kati shopping, making dinner, and running kids
to various youth groups. I really hate Wednesdays lately so I think that’s why
God’s helping me focus on the fantastic simple pleasures and simple gifts of
this morning. These simple blessings, both big and small, will help me, I hope,
to keep my focus where it should be for the rest of today.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-59543285301355229952014-03-25T21:42:00.000-07:002014-03-26T05:20:35.526-07:00The Fit that Never Was<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There’s a t-shirt I’ve seen that reads “I speak in fluent
movie quotes.” This is so me. Ask any of my friends and they will tell you that
far too many of my sentences begin, “That’s like that episode of…” or “That’s
like that movie…” or “Have you heard that song where….” What’s funny is that I
think like that, too. And sometimes, God even uses those images that are
trapped in my head or those lines to speak to me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<a 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" style="height: 158px; margin-top: 0px; width: 319px;" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Today I had a replay of a scene from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers</i> and it was not pretty. Remember
the scene where the creature, Gollum, is arguing with himself? One side of his
personality is drawing closer to being kind and letting go of his rage and the
rage side is arguing. The argument is taking place inside his head but it is so
masterfully directed that after a while, you think you are watching two people
fight. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I sometimes feel like that when I get overwhelmed these
days. There’s a part of me, sometimes but not often, that wants to scream. It
wants to stomp my feet and throw a fit worthy of a three-year-old. Having my
helper, my husband, my partner suddenly ripped from my life right as my
children are becoming busy teens isn’t fair. Six months ago when my sisters
came to grieve with me, they made me an offer I kind of wish I would have
accepted. They offered to drive out into the Black Hills someplace and let me
scream at the unfairness of it all until my throat was raw. I didn’t do it then
and I didn’t do it today. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Maybe it would be cathartic. Mostly, though, I fear it would
mean admitting defeat. I would feel it would be as immature as a small child,
even if nobody else heard me. Or perhaps it would just open a floodgate of emotions.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m not hiding from my grief. I cry and I feel sad. But I do
not wallow and giving in to this seems like wallowing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Tonight’s trigger was too many scheduled things at once and
having to talk my 15-year-old through finishing dinner and trusting him to
serve his siblings while I had to run to work later than was normal. It wasn’t
even the worst day I’d had like this. But I was exhausted and as I drove to
work, the split-screen fight was waging in my head. I’m pretty sure the one
side might have been as ugly as Gollum. But it’s the smaller side. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I mean, I have friends who are doing the single parenting
thing off and on and they don’t get to pitch a fit. Two of my friends have
husbands working for the railroad. They can be gone 36 hours, home for 12, and
gone again. Another has a husband gone in the oil fields for two to three weeks
at a time. I have military wives as friends. They are doing this and therefore
I do not feel I have the right to throw a pity party.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Instead I needed to put on my smile and go record my voice
in a professional manner for the radio show I do. I needed to announce coming
events and toss in some personal banter all with a smile in my voice so there
didn’t need to be a schizophrenic fight lurking beneath the surface. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Suck it up, Jenn.</i></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">But as the show went on, I think God was gently nudging me
back to a place where I wasn’t focused on how hard this was. To be honest,
working as a DJ at a Christian station means a lot of times the song titles are
just words I’m reading. But not tonight. The very songs I was announcing were
gentle reminders of God’s presence in this life I’m living. </span></div>
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" 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nhx7x+VFONg4NZ8RFEziNXaxc8F0JubkDlzNEHDdGkTAlMaHtxyopt5kNpQrv4+6ip0L26rGW70vp+w9BD7ybuQYaEPFi1nYuFKjLcAg69kk8vfVfjk8TTIGxNr8+VudOYLFlAuO+5oJnCoQPV/XOlO1hz14cPXzpFgB+QH40wxGMzEWuQO+w+yoLbuju/Hio5ndnUxmwCkWPYJ1uO+qsJvsq9dFL3ixf1l/htQ1WbSqDJ0YPcj+5T7z0RKGfRQ18v8Acj+JJRMoisdJhtsvFnuQH2MprmuWa4OgGh4V0t0kpfZeMGg+JbjwrmRgRoRx948Dz9VAdNu4rGJgMI2CDNIViDZUDnJ1XcfG1a8HHPPs2f8ASkYVgJCpZQrBQt1fTRSG4cL0OsNv/j0RUWZQqKFX4peCgAaka6AUz2rvRi8SuSedmXjkACpflcKNfXQRqvoPIVtE/fr6zTavQaKyc1aOjDZPX45WI7EA6w92bhGD6yT/AIaql6e7N21iMOGEEzxZrZshte17XuPE+2gJG8Z2VPihPNj2SWMqoCPZUMbE6dg65r3pt0tYOPFYOHHwEOsZsWXgYnNr/wCFwOPC5oXOv5nz763x7UnWIwLNIsLXBjzfFkMe1ceNEN4RoL/dP51qndCTrrr8n8a3si/sk/WapLcXYaYvGpFJqihpGW9s4X5F+Vza/gDQM8HtiTBTRuFzL1KrIl7B0a7WJHA8CD3ipLf9JwsWdQsdyVCksBcXGZjrfXhVs3v6M2xMpmw0kKIRYIEIRFUAIFAuSeXC1WvA7rxtg0gxRMhWIRyMr3FwBa3Ehh30AMG1mkwkODyj4uZ5EYcT1igFSOZuL38abNGVJVgQQSCCLEHuIPCiTh+i6SN4izx/FSl8wOrRA5lDGwHWA30vwtUZ0rQf7xE+vaTLYkE2UjKbjU3ueOulBUIZlFtG9Vvyp4mIB5nXlmtx9VRirwp9BIwXTNa/ID7TQab+NFLoXlAXGXYD9XxIHJ++hhKCORF9dbX8bWrC9+NtKKedYLtrzP2mtiSC/O3vposh7xSfEEnjegeGcnS5t4mvDLTMy14Z6An9FW04o0xQlljjuUy52C37LDS/GhvHJ7KbF7+VZpc6DU91AauiNv1f9z/701FKhT0Qi3VC4PxJ4G//AGjEcxRWoit9JA/4Xjv7iT7tczYZyEbS4uuh1HyuHd6q6g36W+zsYD9BJ901zV1Xxb6a6W9V6DTkFgVv3FfSI05EcR51rZr8OVGuW2zMBC2EwyzaIZG56pcyOQCx107heh3vNvSuNZHEEcZjifNYBs5JXW9gbAD3mgrSvWJenUwVjIFazfMY+I9BuHqOtRsjkZwdCOIOhBv3UU5jVm9FHb6qlh7hWYw0v0Up/dP/ANNSm6vSHPs+F4oo4nBYyEvmuDYC3ZIFtKKvSBvhPgcNhpYgjGVrMHuQPi82lmHOiArLGw0YFTzDdkjzB1FYIvaHE/V1rzb22WxWIkxEgUPIQWC3y3ChdLkngBWnCkkXAY6kaG3IUD5ybH0/WABVp6MMDPHiTI2GmyPC2SQKVXUqQQx0sQO+qZNcKxMbCw4l+BOmovrRw2ftOSHZmzWj+WsCNcZuyY34Dlqq60EzBjWIOdWiBIUEjXMeSi3DxpwkhuNLHghFyAOZfgL1D4Da8spdXtcMuU5DzHMDlYHW/OpOP5RCki/aUj0j4ZjYD8qDRt2UCJriwAY5Oz2zb0wPPxFCLeT4VjZYY0QyuULhEAFsoGYi50Frc6L+1IJGQoFvccSVuBpdACLZbc6p+7uGK7ThvplSdNfFTb7KASY/DPDI8UqlJENmU2uDYGxsbcDXuHItwX1kj7ONS3SWP+K4z+8B/wDLSonZ7DKwzRjUHtre/Ky0G1oh2R2BrY5Tcm47jTcyIBc5+F+A/On0Li4+MgHkgHsPI8vXUaZG7raH3ignNubs4nCxRzSoFilICNnBY5lzAFRw0vUH1lFfpXP/AAfAn9qH+CaD2egewkHMSTYC5tx5cL6c62xIpuQzaWNitybm2lmrXs6PMspuAuW2Y3NjcGygasbA6U4w2KCpIEBFsvaPpm7exR4DXxoJ/YG5OIxhcQtEMgQnrCVIz3t2QDY6HjUHHp1w7kYH/C63oo9Cj3bEfUw32NQwQqJ5esvkLSqbcfTPPlqKAtdC8lxER9E49mIn/Oi9Qh6HVUGMJ6NpQvl1zkfbReoITff/AJfjP/x5fuNXLCYrhqTp766r3wUHAYwHQfB5tf3bd2tcm4qdxdCwGnybAEEaEEWuOBoLzuz0jYnBhY5EWSFbZVZskir3Ix4juB08am+k/ZWHfCR7QgURNKoDC2TOsqEqWXk4IGvPWo3A9KOG6uNJ9mo7RqqKVKkWUAD01uPaagt79/pNoNGhiWOFDcRg5szWsGc6XsDoosBegq2KnUtIb3zeru7/ACrOKdmikVjmyqCt9SvaGgPG3hW7E4lSCNFB5AC/u4VogTsykA5ShFyeJzKbWoGUh0PlRl6ZTfZ2AP7a/wAChF8DYjXsjx4+oVcd6N7JMbhoIHhSJYSpDZiWbKhTVSNNDegpeal1p4XNvOnIiB0Vb+NbfgwTU6nuoI9n04++uj918UybKwTouY9RECNTpY8LUAY8GW14CiXuDvpPb4MFi6vDwDKcpzaMAMxzW5mgIOHxckozOmWxIGhGnfr408jPAVjDM7opewJAJsPXXsI1Xz/CgcBtR5291VDeVeqljxA4xSqW8VzAH3E1cQuoqE3mwwdHU/LQ+8GgFPSNurjJdp4qSHDSyRsy5WVbg9hRoaouPwckMjRyoySL6SsLEXAIv6rVdsT0kbSjcoZksDl/VLfTQVBbWlfFu88jBpGsWNgL2AA0HgBQV8A9xrf1rZT2eR5U6hXXK3CtrQEarwoC1vpsWfGbHwUeHjMkg6hyoIXQREE9ogd1Cnbe5+NwcYlxMPVoWCA51btEE27LHuqTh33xyqsa4qRFUBVAC2AGgGq3pptfbuLxKBMTPJNHcMAbaEXsbAeJoIiA/ENp/apw+o9PtgbKlxLskTBSADZrgHU6VqiwvxTWuRnDXBsRZWHD11ojx0qcDw58/aNQaAydEuypsPiMQs1rtFERl7ldgOHsoW4+Beul1IPWyffatZ3oxOhWeaNrZbiQ6i9wMwsbedR3XNckkkk3Jve5JuSe+gNPQ0LCL9798H8aMVBfoVlusX1px74vzo0UEVvYAcDiwb2+DzXtx/VtwrkGaXOb2sLAAcbACw15nhXYm3oS+GxCDi0UijzKMBXNmH6L8cbX6of4zf7tBS6zSFjy/ryoyQdGESYEEoPhltX6xmS+fut83wqvy7lzoTl6sW59pifLs/bQUiLZ1vTOUe/1Cn2Est+rjANj231Pq7qs+yt1CcRCJisis6hhlYaXF1vl0q8bX2DsfDMElw+pFwAHbQkjje3EUAXlxBU8Lt3nUe81qId9WOnu+2rnvTsnCNMGwSrFEsYBVkYZnudRmB5WqEm2O2gEiDv7BIHhw19VBDvNlFgT7f56UoFJ1Y++/wCNOzsiwJ6wZr2tk089R7qIu9u7+Gk2ZFi8LGkBGVpDHH6QPYYEcrPbyoBpPi7CwPhxv+NW3ouwLMMS41zGKIG+hJJZhfwFtPGp7oo3UhkjlnxEaT5mEaCSMELl1crfmSwF/CrPu3sYxyLEiZMPCXI0ILMGuzMT84lQPBKC0Yhbdkd9vzpKtmTzrNNWJ+aPeeNYRvcjwagdZdfVULtdu1GO8Ae81LY2fIpPM6DzNV3acx65f2Rf+vXQA3eiG8zlQSCTwubEGx9GmOz5X4AN5WY+0DhVz34gw8EqqELmQNIbuU1L8supFV3YzKMVC0MBkYOhWIOzZ2BuNbaj7OdBpxOBkNjla/1Wv7L03gLq2VgwPiDf3tpRC6Ut40+FiJUjcxxhZbm4Dk3Md10OW+p8aH+NxETK/wATGuhsVzXH50DufYzuMwRwfqG/21HFHiNnDDlrbN6wTR1313pkwGFwrxKjGTKhzg2sIg2mUiouaWLa+y5cTJBGs8IkAbLezIM1gSASjC2h4UAyhgUqxU5G05rfgfOvIMGZCUaIsbXBTtPoRc5VuabYeRAcwVRflluPVc1eei3GZtoINP1UuoW3JfGiqlidzcRoY4ZWBH0bA+8a1A4rAvExVlZHHFWGVh5g0Zd5N/cTBi54FsVRgo+KzHVVPEnXjVaxu1ocTK0kyZnc3YlVA7tOJ5UROdCDm0d+PWT/AGQ0cKFO4UcazQCJci3muPG0PcPKitQN9ofqpPqN900I9n417DtOe+7H33ai/ix2H+qfsNCvZ2FYhbIfP/WgmMbPfZztmPDiDr6ffQ2xmLJJ7ZPHQsePqonYrEKMKyE2a1reu/IVTMWwF+xp4fzoqvbGYnFYc5mPxsfO/wAoURN9NjYOaZXxOK6hgmULmUXUMxv2h339lU7B4hFljZrrldSbjkCCTpT3f7acM8sbxfGAJYkqQAcxPMX51BTtvQRRzyLBJ1kQNke98wsNbjQ63qNK+upN5FuNOHhpWp35/hVEa/kRRG6MZlxODxmAc/JZl8FkBBt5PY+uqKZBzt7akN1NuDB4uOZtY+0sgA1KsLEAcyDY0RcN6cU+y9m4CBD8d1iO9ufVkSS8ON3KrRTRwYgw4FQbcwWF7e+uf9/95FxuIWSPMIkQIgYWNySWJA4A9n2VLbA6RPg+zzh8sjYhQ6wsLFNT8WHubkgki3lQF2CRQHuba1Bw7wYdHyvMilpFUAuAbm/I8OHOh3t/aWIwzMkkzu3VKrHMQQ9u3cA2ve/sFDyTUknUtxvqT5k6mg6GxW9GGeZAJ4SACQM972Nr6aCqvtrf3BxTgyr8IGoyxWIB7yzkAnjoL0O92I5C8nV2BETMeF7AqDb1GpbYm2osBJIcRhfhAdQAGy3Ug3zdoEa3oKfiMQZGZyzEEkjMcxAJJAv4DStmExDxsrxuyOvospIYctCOGlPt5tqpicTJNHF1CNlyxi2lgAfR01tUYJKDwjifX5+feawlU5T5H7K3pMO4Vs6+4tYDjrb+dAf9sbJwuLgwcWLJ7QQxAOULP1QuLjicoOnhVQ3/ANrDAwHZuFw7QxupvIfRZW1fqzclmPAlrW7taq+8m+7YyCCExCLqSrK6uSxKplB/Z7/Ot2O3/kxGFGHxMEU5A/WlmWQEei4yiwccyND3UFVRaufRWLbRj/u5R/4RVNSSpnd3bTYWZZ0VWZQws98pzC3I3oombe32xGHxUkSYQSKhFns/auoPyRbnb1UOJUPWMzIylmLEHQjMSeBA01q1r0oYo/2UAHk//XUbjdonFTmWQWdgo7IsLAWFsxJoLXuCR1uHsLdqf7sFFuhZupBkmwvHVp+Jv8nD/lRTojXP6LeR+yhvsuZSLXX2En3USZfRPkfsoYbqY4uGADaacLE68P8ASg92rIAPTJ/wmqZj8VYtq1uHDQ+PdRC29s49U8uZlKgnKddPDQWqhbK2Z8LxPUZ8l1Zs1sx7Iva2ntqKg58Tfn52/lTeXFg6Zbe2t238H8HxMsN83VtlzWtfQG9uXGoiSXXh7TVG+bEf1amrzeFbsDhJJ5FiiQs7myqOfffuAGpPICr2ejzC4dAcfjxEzfJUqq+ov2mt32FAN5Gt/rpWgEHU/bRB3g6NysJxGBmGKjALFdM1hxMZTsvbu0NDppOY4URtL1LblYcSY6AMLqjGU89Ixm4eYWoRnvxoj9EGwY5xiZmLLJH8UhB7OWSPUkW1OlBAb543PIxOp4nzJqp3qZ3xheGeWKQFXRiSO8fJIPMEag1Y+k/dDD4GLDPB1l5SwfO+fggYW001JoI7o1W+KlJ5YeX3lBTTfJvjQO4Cs+jqXLi2A+VBMPcrfhUfvNNmmPhYfnQRd69tRl3g3Z2JgVjOJikAk9GzSPcgAnQHTjVA32m2Wyxfo5XUgt1uYOLrYZLZyed6CsFqQrC9PNi4A4jEQwA5etkVM3dc6n2XoNN69ElF7eFNi7MaPDy4JpWZc2coHNrkXLuwub30XhpQx3lmwzYqQ4NCmH7PVg3v6IzGzarrfTwoGatThJKZrVl3L21hcM8rYrDfCFZVCCynIQWJPbPMEcO6gj4JdRrVj2EQTcgHW3EX9lX+TFYBNnrjxgY8hCkR9WgftPk48ONUjau14cTOkkMHwdVXKVsoubk3GXTwooibKjUS4MqALmW9vKL2cKI1DbYyKDgsoPpve5vqVX8qJNEeMNDVI6PMPeEuQQbkC/MX+yrxVG6P8ReFhYABjwN+Z40EvtzCmRJIwbF1sCRe1++qhu1ufNhsUJ3dCmR1sL5rsLDiOFWfet7YfEG9rRMbjiNOXjQo6Psc7bSivIxUpKLFyQOweIJtQQ3SF/zHFcbZx9xarbE9wFWHpKkttPEgH5SnT+7WqsZb0BK6EIVbE4h2F2SNVXwDuQ1vOwFUTefHyT4ueSTVzI66/JCsQqjuAA4U53L3kOAxSzAFkIySoOJQ21W/ygQCPK3Or9tbdXZ203OJwuNSJ3s0i6EX7yjENG3eOFBFdCGNdcVLCCereIyFfkh1ZQrAciQSPGwqob5YZYsfjEQdlZ3y24C5uR6iTRHwuL2fsOKTq5hisW4GgIJNvRBy6Rxg6nmfZQfxeJaR3eQ5ndmdj3sxJJ9poPWkotdBL/FY368Z/wDA35UHqKfQjtKKJcaJZEjuYiMzWvow5+YoJDbOEj27gOuiAXHYcFWTvIvdPFW4qeR076x6cR/uuB787C3ceqGnuoc7v7wS7Pxhmj1Gch05SRliSD421B5Gx76u3S5vLhcXhcKcPMrt1hdk+WgMfyxysdKCn7k6Tu/JIZLn61lH41CbTmzPIe8mp3dtSmGnkt6TpEP8ILH7y1XMRxb10HQm/wDszAzxYY47EGBVuYyGC5iUW41U8Bb20Gt88Dg4ZkXAzGeIx3Zi17PmYEXyjlbS1E7eDb+xcbFCmJxJ+LAICZ1NyoBuQuvCqDvpBslYU/R8jvLn7eYuRkyn54A9ICgqArbhsQ0bo6HKyMHUjiCpBB9orTTnZksazRNKpeJXVnVbXZQQSBfTXx5UBc2Tv7gtoqmG2jAquxChiLxFjpdT6UJJ9WvGqV0jbqjZ+JVEYtFKpdM3pLY2ZGPO1xY8das8G1N3FkWcRSK4OcR5JcobiOxfJofVVR6Q97v0jiFdVKRRqUjDekbm7M1uBJ5eFBXVNbEamwNZZqAxSG+7CnuVfdiKo2wLGVBe1zz4VJR75wDY3wApIZbEZrDq/wBbnGt78PCq9shxnHLn3+6gP8kaqMBlN+22vf2P5Vd6Gmx8ckseCyNmtLY3FiDkbSiXQKhDu1th4TIkhSKzNpJ8WxFzrY2vReqJxu7uHlbM8YLHnQArfDazzO2uYa+ibg1TZYJD8k28q6g/2Swn0S1kN1ML9EvsoOWTg5OSN6hWLbPl5RtXVY3Zwv0S+ysxu5hvol9lBycNlzfRt/Xrr07HmP8AZE+oV1kNgYf6JfZWQ2Hh/ol9lByYuxJ+URrJdhT/AEZrrMbGg+jX2VkNlQ/Rr7KDkz9AYj6M07wOyMVHmyxntAA+o3tXVQ2ZF9Gvsr0bPi+YvsoOT5d3MW5LGMkn+u6ku6mK+j+38q6yGCj+Yvsr34InzF9lByqm7eMChVVgB52vzNrca1rubi/oz7D+VdX/AAVPmj2V78HX5o9lByn/ALFYs/2Z9h/KshuLjPmH2Guq+pX5o9le9UvcPZQcrruDi/mH2Gs16PcZ8w+w11N1Y7h7KWQdwoOXV6OcZ8w/5azHRri/mn2fzrqDKO6lag5iHRli/mn2fzravRdi/mn2V0K+08kjKy6Zwi5R3iM63PH4waDkrHlWs7eXKW6t9Bmt2bkZS5t2u7v5mgAS9FmL7j7BTrDdGOLUghTceVHWXbagP2bFASc5Cr6ZQDML6swYD6viK8xW2skmUoStr5l7RuFlZlsBxtHp36jTS4UTdXdzERyx5oVRQwZmB4kKw4cvSopUy2fj+tJGWwCqwuQSc2YcBwHZOvOntAqVKlQKlSpUCpUqVAqVKlQKlSpUCpUqVAqVKlQKlSpUCpUqVAqVKlQKlSpUCpUqVBiEAJNhc8TzNuF6ypUqBUqVKg//2Q==" style="height: 182px; margin-top: 0px; width: 171px;" width="187" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">There was “Broken Hallelujah” by The Afters reminding me to
offer my praise to God even if I’m having to dig deep to find any. There was “I
Am” by Crowder with its chorus reminding me where God is in this: “I am holding
on to you, in the middle of the storm, I am holding on, I am.” There was Francesca
Battistelli’s new song, “Write Your Story,” perfect for the journey I believe
God is prompting me to pursue as a writer of the story of all He’s done in my
life. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">As I continued to struggle to keep the toddler inside me
from pitching that fit the songs kept speaking to my heart. “Be My Rescue” by
Nicole Nordeman and “Lord I Need You” by Matt Maher echoed that when the stress
starts to overwhelm and exhaust me, I know where to turn. The tears were close
to the surface now for a different reason. I knew that God knows this stinks.
He knows this is hard and it’s gonna take time to figure it out. He knows it’s
taking all my strength some days to keep moving forward.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And then I came to a song that reached me in another dark
moment of my life. It was a day when my youngest child was having an MRI to see
if she could handle open-heart surgery. She was three days old. In that moment
of absolute helplessness to do anything for her, God sent me a song by Third
Day, “Call My Name.” </span></div>
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<a 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" 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" style="height: 75px; margin-top: 0px; width: 322px;" /></a><span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Tonight as I listened to the last chords of that song play
and started to talk into the commercial break, my voice cracked. I shared with
whomever would be listening why this song moves me and encouraged them that God
has promised to run to whomever calls on the name of Jesus. Maybe the tears in
my voice will reach someone listening. I may never know. But they reached me
and shut that little fit-throwing-toddler in my head right up. </span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 107%;">Maybe there will come a day when I need to
scream at the unfairness of it all—of losing my husband of twenty years with no
warning, of having to care for four kids all by myself on the hectic nights
when friends are too busy to help, of grief just not being fair. But not tonight.
I just needed some reminders of who God is and where He is. I just needed to
call His name.</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-26516646389518746952014-03-16T21:49:00.000-07:002014-03-16T21:50:00.257-07:00Blessed are the Cheerleaders<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
After spending the last six and a half months walking through the
valley of grief, I need to give a shout out to my cheering section. There are
days when life seems to be pretty normal. There are days when hiccups hit me
out of nowhere and make me lose my balance. Or there are days when huge waves
of grief return to crash on my shores and I’m left soaking wet and feeling
lost. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Since the first moments of my nightmare I have not been
alone. Yes, I know that God was here. I know without any doubt Jesus walked that
dark day with me. But He also sent me others, so many others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As the weeks and months passed, there have been many who
have promised me they are not going anywhere. And they didn’t. That’s an
incredible credit to the people I have chosen as friends and the family God
gave me. Many people dealing with grief seem to sense that everyone in their
support circles vanishes after a few months. I’ve heard of those who feel an
expectation to just let it go already, hasn’t it been long enough?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I have received none of that from anyone but myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">One of my biggest cheerleaders in this process started
cheering me on 20 years ago. Kraig said he saw in me the strength he wanted in
a wife. His greatest fear was that he would die, leaving his wife and children
as his own father had. He wanted to be wise and choose a wife with the strength
to keep going, keep living. I am and I will.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The Bible paints a picture in the Hall of Faith in Hebrews
12 that has always made me smile. “For we are surrounded by a great cloud of
witnesses….” The image of the giants of the faith and loved ones who have gone
before encouraging us to keep going, cheering us on in our faith, is one that
makes me smile. But I think I’m also blessed with my own cloud of witnesses
here, now, as I have struggled to tackle the unexpected and keep moving
forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">When those bumps in the journey have arisen, I have been
blessed with some of the most encouraging words from several friends and family.
Words like:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You are doing amazing!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There is nothing wrong
at all with how you are handling this.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Now (months later) is
when you need us to still be here. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">You are not alone.
What can I do?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Of course you can
always call me/text me.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I’m so proud of you.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">That last one is my favorite. I guess the pat on the back in
those words is sometimes all I need to keep moving forward. When I have no idea
if I’m making the right parenting decision, I sometimes need to hear that it’s
OK. When I’m having a good day but one of my kids gets hit by grief, I need to
know I can call someone or text someone and tell them this stinks without being
a burden. When I start feeling as if I am a burden to my friends because it’s a
bad day, I need to hear this is in my head. I am not forgotten.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I do not spend my days wallowing in a dark room. I do not
spend my time lost in grief and unable to function. That’s not the woman my
husband married. That’s not the mother my kids deserve. Maybe that’s why it’s
easier for my friends to be here and cheer me on. I’m not lost in a morose
world looking for others to pull in. I spend my days asking God to lead my
steps and making sure I’m still taking steps forward. When grief hits, I let it
but only for a while. It does not own me. It is my temporary traveling
companion and once it has done its work to help me heal, I will send it on its
way. But it does not determine where I go. It is along for this small portion
of my journey as I follow Jesus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">So thanks to my cheerleaders. And if you aren’t one of mine
and you are reading this, be one for someone else going through grief. Give
them time to mourn and encouragement to keep attempting to live life at the
same time. Help them find the joy in the everyday and let them weep when they
must.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Blessed are the cheerleaders for they are being used by God
to help me keep moving forward.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-42072219113755980272014-03-14T21:45:00.000-07:002014-03-14T21:48:33.795-07:00Lucy's Thankful Heart<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This morning my youngest child once again spouted wisdom
that brought a smile to my face. My little Lucy lives up to her name often.
Lucy means “bringer of light.” Since the day she arrived she’s been bringing
God’s light with her. She is the surprise child I didn’t plan for and I’m so
thankful God knew better than my plans. Doesn’t he always? She often says
things that bring a smile to my face and to others’.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This morning Lucy did not want to wake up. She’s my late-riser.
Her delightful older siblings never had that problem. But Lucy is the one I
must often coax out of bed. Last night she had a nightmare so she was in my
bed. After I’d gotten the rest of the kids up and going, I walked into my room
and snuggled up next to her. She resisted my insistence that it was time to get
moving. I smiled as I told her she should count her blessings because none of
her siblings were getting snuggled awake. Her reply was gold: <strong>“I have a million zillion blessings. There’s no way I could count them all.”<o:p></o:p></strong></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">There’s a sermon in there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">The night was fitful with scary dreams. Morning came early
and it was warm under those covers. Her daddy has only been in heaven for six
months. She’s had a rough week that included fights with her sister and
disagreements with a particularly unpleasant girl at school. She did not want
to wake up. And yet, in her semi-sleepy state, she knew a wonderful truth that she
didn’t have to think about—she is blessed. Pretty impressive for a five year
old. Heck, that’s pretty impressive for any of us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Life stings sometimes. It’s rough and it’s hard and we have
to do things we don’t always want to do. In the midst of stress and
disappointment we can often forget that essential truth that God has blessed us
with so much. He’s given us another day to enjoy and relish in. He’s given His
Son, Jesus, to forgive our sins. He’s sent His Holy Spirit to guide us and
correct us. Those right there should fill our hearts with gratitude each day.
And that’s not even counting family, friends, and material blessings. She’s
right—it would take too long to count.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">My heart swelled with pride a little. I think parents are
allowed moments sometimes when they see the fruits of their labors. Right then
I saw that somehow, somewhere my daughter had gotten the message that her life
is full of blessings. I pray that’s a lesson she never forgets and neither
should I.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-45725518361281559602014-03-08T20:51:00.000-08:002014-03-08T20:51:04.617-08:00Roller Coaster Week<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">This has been a roller coaster week for me. I’ve felt
amazing hope that I have God’s next step for me in the form of the She Speaks
Conference I am attending in North Carolina this summer. It was an answer to
the prayer, “What next?” that has been ringing in my soul for a while now. It
seemed the breath of fresh air in the musty chambers of a heart that’s been
walking through grief.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Then the coaster headed down as one of my sons virtually collapsed
under the weight of grief and school problems and faith issues and just the
weight of the world. He’s such a good kid. My heart broke that he was
struggling. But I know this is part of the journey of grief. It is affecting
each of my kids differently as it is me. So we dealt with what we could deal
with and I went to bat with him at school. I encountered fantastic support there. Things started to look up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Then came another day of God’s magnificent provision. In one
day I was given two financial gifts. One friend had been negotiating a used car
for my son to drive with someone in her Bible study. When she told the lady my
situation, the negotiation stopped. She wanted to give me the car for free.
Jaime, the friend who had been searching for the car, wept. And then she called
me. As a fantastic bonus, the man who has be the mechanic for this car offered
to help teach Jarod how to do any repairs that should arise. Amazing.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">In that same day I had the privilege of hanging out with a
new friend. I shared with her more about my conference and why I was so excited
that this was God opening a door for me to pursue my dreams of writing and
speaking professionally. She was excited for me. She said she felt certain God
was going to us me, use my story to glorify Him and to encourage and bless
others. Later I received a text from her telling me she was so sure that God
was behind this that she and her husband had decided to pay for my plane
ticket.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">The roller coaster went on.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So as the weekend arrived, I felt a little weary from all
these ups and downs. It had been a long week. I decided to do more research
online to help me prepare the proposals for my writing ideas for the
conference. I get to meet, one-on-one, with a publisher and I need to be
professional and have my stuff ready to sell. So I headed to Google to try and
figure out how I would package the two books I’ve got almost finished and the
two I have ideas for.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">Google can be very discouraging. Google tells me it is going
to be pretty impossible to get a publisher to buy my book. It tells me that the
style of two of my books are what every writer tries first and pretty much
unless I’m a survivor of a tsunami followed by alien abduction or the Queen of
Quite a Lot, no one is going to pay me for it. It tells me that I’d better try
my talent at a few other styles or just make a nice, self-published couple of
books to give my grandkids someday and move along so the better writers can be
seen. Ok, so that last one may be a bit of an exaggeration. But it’s close.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I spent the day trying to go back to the drawing board. That’s
not necessarily a bad thing. Starting fresh can lead to new angles, new ideas,
and sometimes new ways of telling stories so the audience is captivated. But
when I was feeling like I’d failed before I’d even started, back to the drawing
board was not any of those amazing things. It was defeating. It was exhausting.
It was unproductive. After a while I realized I was writing stuff so boring I
was getting sleepy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And then I glanced at Facebook tonight. What I found was a post by Lysa TerKeurst, founder of the very
conference I’m so excited to be attending. Here’s what she posted: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i>Over the years, I've come to a
realization - I can rest in the assurance that if something is meant to be, it
isn’t up to me. It’s up to God. I give what I can <span class="textexposedshow">give.
And then wait for Him to give what only He can give. So, if He makes it happen
without all my chaotic self-effort, then I will know it is His best.</span></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;"><i><span class="textexposedshow">And if it doesn’t happen, I will praise Him for
saving me from myself. </span><span class="textexposedshow"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"></span></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">And just like that the roller coaster leveled out. It’s not
up to me to figure it all out from here. It’s up to me to do my best with what
God has given me and take the next step in the direction He provides. The rest
is up to Him. And His plans are always good ones. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">So I’m headed to bed. I’m exhausted and we all lose an hour
of sleep tonight. I’m going to take to heart the words from Psalm 4:8, “I will
lie down and sleep in peace for you, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” God is
faithful to care for me. He will direct my paths when I let him. It’s up to me
to do my best and follow His leading. He will take care of the details.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif;">I think I’ll try to exit this coaster now.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-717742274597749808.post-34208111246419658292014-03-05T07:56:00.000-08:002014-03-05T08:06:00.983-08:00Light Ahead<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come
true at last, there is life and joy.” <em>Proverbs 13:12 Living Bible<o:p></o:p></em></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">For the past six months I have been walking in the valley of
the shadow of death. It’s dark here. The walls are steep crags of jagged rocks
dotted with simple glimmers of life and hope growing in unexpected places. The
walls seem to go up and up forever, though, blocking out most of the light.
Maybe it’s to force me to look up towards heaven to see the beautiful blue of
the sky overhead—even if it is only a sliver. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This weekend I received my first sign that the end of the
valley is approaching. I can see light up ahead. I knew there would be. I knew this
path was temporary, is temporary. But it’s hard and it’s sad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Since the day Kraig died, I have held on to the promises of
God. They are truth that brings healing. These wounds are real but I have
always known that God walks this valley with me. His rod and His staff comfort
me. He will restore my soul. He will lead me if I let him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">After a few months in this valley, I started to feel like I
was in limbo; like I was at a crossroads. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What
next?</i> Where our family has lived has always been determined by Kraig’s
career. Now it was up to me to decide where our family belonged. Stay here? His
job brought us here. This is not where either of us was from and not near any
family. It’s a big world full of great places. So, move? If so, where and why? I
have a great support system here and I’ve networked well. I now understand why
the best advice to someone in grief is not to make any major life decisions for
the first six months to a year. It was all so murky. But the question
persisted: <strong><em>what next?<o:p></o:p></em></strong></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I have always known that God has the best view on my
journey. From where He sits He is able to see what is coming next. He directs
my paths and, when I allow Him to, He leads me where I should go. I have known
that since the day Kraig died. But this valley has still been dark. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">For the past several years, a spark of a dream has been
growing in my heart. I want to write and speak professionally. I want to be
published and to use the gift of words He has given me to encourage and equip
women with the story of what God can do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I believe God whispered this dream to me several years ago
when I had no idea how to make it happen. I had been published already in a few
magazines. I had spoken publically in small venues for years. This seemed like
a good dream. I believe God was speaking through my husband last summer when he
suggested this is where I should focus my time and energy once our last little
duckling waddled out the door to Kindergarten. He suggested this might be the
next step for me. I just had no idea how.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eZDY_OZGlsM/UxdH9CPoM2I/AAAAAAAAAIU/wChYTXIJi10/s1600/she+speaks+logo.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eZDY_OZGlsM/UxdH9CPoM2I/AAAAAAAAAIU/wChYTXIJi10/s1600/she+speaks+logo.png" /></span></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">This weekend a friend sent me a glimmer of light. She sent
me information on the She Speaks Conference taking place this summer in North
Carolina. Put on by the Proverbs 31 Ministries and led by Lysa TerKeurst, this
conference offers tools for women longing to use their writing and speaking talents.
It helps women start using their gifts to glorify God as leaders, speakers, and
writers. It tells me how.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I read the information and I wept. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Hope deferred makes the heart sick. I had felt without <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">specific </i>hope. I have always had the
hope of God’s overarching wisdom and plan for my life. But the specifics for
what’s next eluded me. I can see a bit of that now. In front of me the walls of
the valley are getting wider, the crags further apart. There is light on the
horizon in the distance and it brings with it life and joy just as the proverb
promises. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I still have work to do and a long way to go before I am
living that dream fully. But I can see the path. I have the wisdom I have been
praying for to help me head towards what’s next. I have always known He would
turn my mourning into dancing. This week I got to enjoy a few steps of a jig
and it felt good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14224037355605879169noreply@blogger.com2